The Ballad of the White Plague
by writer writing
Summary: Kid Cole is diagnosed with consumption for the first time. After trying every possible cure out there, he decides to do the only thing he can do, divorce Sister Ruth. And there's no Dr. Mike to help them find their way back to each other this time. 1835. AU. Sixth in a series.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Dedicated in loving memory of my great uncle. A gentler, kinder, funnier Christian man I never knew. _

"You won't believe what all that fool neighbor of ours has borrowed from us," Sister Ruth declared to her husband as she poured his coffee. "I've got a list a mile long that I'm keeping just for the fun of it. Not just things like flour and sugar, but crazy things like tin cups, my shoes, a pitcher of water. She'll probably want to borrow my undergarments next."

"But you keep helping her," he commented quietly.

"I can't stop myself from helping her, not when she's got those little, innocent babies at home. The only reason she has to borrow so much is cause she spends it all on drink, but that ain't their fault. Besides, it is the Christian thing to do, helping her."

Kid thought with loving amusement how she'd barely stopped for air since he'd gotten home 5 minutes ago. She could all but carry on a conversation with herself at times. He was careful though to mask the amusement.

"But listen to me go on, I ain't even asked you about your day."

He stared down at his plate, unable to look her in the eyes, as he told her, "I want a divorce."

She should have anticipated it. He'd up and left their bed a couple weeks ago with no explanation and had become as grouchy as a grizzly bear. His love had gone from hot to cold and she wanted to know why, but every time she tried to talk to him he either acted like something else was more important or made her mad enough that she ended up leaving the room to pray. Despite it being such a shock to her, she tried to maintain her composure. "I see. Is that what you really want?"

"I'm not going to leave you without a means of support. I just took a job that requires transporting some mail-order brides to San Francisco safely. It pays pretty good. You should be able to live off that comfortably enough, along with what else I have saved up."

"You think I care about money?" she asked, throwing down the towel she'd been using to pick up the hot handle on the coffee pot. "I don't want you to take care of me, not if you don't want me. I do want to talk this over though. What have I done to make you so angry with me?"

But he ignored the last question. "Well, be that as it may, you will be provided for and it's past the time for talking. You want to make me happy now, you'll help me transport those girls."

"I don't see why I need to go with you. Can't you just wire the money if you're so determined? We can divorced here in St. Louis just as well as San Francisco."

"I ain't got the time to divorce you here and don't you want to make sure they arrive there as pure as when they left? The women going are pretty vulnerable if they're going to marry a man they never even met and you know there will be men along the way who'll want to prey on that vulnerability."

"Fine. I'll go."

"Then why are you still standing here? Go get packed. We ain't got all day."

Her mouth trembled a little. It was like he couldn't wait to get started on this trip, so they could end their life together, so that he could be rid of her. She spun on her heels and slammed the door to what had once been their bedroom so hard that the plaster had to have cracked.

He coughed hard into his handkerchief, a cough he'd been holding back until she left. He didn't enjoy hurting her, but this was all for the best.

_August 2, 1835_

Kid had developed a nagging cough that refused to go away. He wasn't too worried about it though. No doubt it was just a lingering cough from the cold he'd had awhile back, but Ruth refused to leave Dodgeville, a town located in the Northwest territory, until he saw the doctor there.

It was really rather fortunate there was one, considering it was a small town made up mostly of miners. He watched through the window of the doctor's room as 2 miners bickered over something, probably over claims or cards.

The doctor put his stethoscope back down on the table. "I'm afraid, Mr. Cole, that you have consumption."

That transferred his attention quickly enough. "You mean I'm going to die?"

"You never know with this disease. You could have a good many years ahead of you. Your color looks good, no pallor yet. You're not in the worst shape I've ever seen. My advice to you though is to head further west and further south to a better climate. That's the best cure. And rest. Lots of rest, Mr. Cole."

After he'd paid this harbinger of death, he wandered out into the street, feeling a little dazed.

This morning he had been on top of the world, this afternoon he was a stone's throw from his demise. He'd seen a cousin, only 20 years old, die from consumption. It wasn't a pleasant thing, no matter how some seemed to like to romanticize the "white plaugue".

Then he thought of Ruth. This news was going to devastate her.

Well, he wasn't going to go down without a fight, he told himself. He would learn everything there was to know about consumption while his health was still good and he would beat it. In the meantime, there was no reason Ruth had to know about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Kid stepped into the path of one of the miner's by accident out on the street.

"You look like you could use a whiskey, my friend," the miner told him.

"No thank you," was on the tip of his tongue, but when you had consumption, what difference did a little liquor make? "Why not?" came out instead.

It more of a shanty than a saloon, but if they served alcohol that's all that mattered to most imbibers.

"A whiskey for my friend and me," said the miner.

It tasted as badly as he remembered, but he knew it would take the edge off.

"Bad news?" the man asked.

"I was just diagnosed with consumption."

"That's too bad. Maybe you can get your wife to heal you." Kid shot him a dark look. "Or not. Whatever you want, Mr. Cole."

After a few seconds, the miner added, "Or grow a beard . A physician told me that once and I hardly so much as catch a sniffle."

The man did have quite a full beard and he did look healthy enough. Maybe there was something to it. It couldn't hurt anyway.

After he finished his drink, he realized Ruth would be wondering where he'd gotten to. He rinsed his mouth out with water and got a peppermint from the general store, hoping that'd be enough to hide the smell, already regretting it. Though the single drink had had hardly been enough to give him a buzz, he knew that whether he was drunk or not would be besides the point where Sister Ruth was concerned. She didn't so much as cook with the stuff.

"What'd the doctor say?" Ruth asked the moment he got to the wagon, where she'd gotten everything packed and ready to go.

"He said it ain't nothing to worry about. Said I'm just in need of a change of climate. Which we were going to head south anyway."

"Just to Springfield. Is that far south enough? What's he mean? Mexican territory?"

"I'm in no hurry. It's not like a simple cough's going to kill me," he lied because that's exactly what it was going to do if he let it.

As they climbed in, there was the sound of gunfire, which caused Ruth to jump.

"Nobody's aiming it at me," he assured her. "Probably just a hunter."

"I'm sure you're right. I guess I still can't get over somebody taking a shot at the President of the United States. What is this world coming to?"

"Well, at least, Mr. Jackson wasn't killed. And nobody's shot me yet either."

"Not from lack of trying."

Kid held his breath as they sat down next to each other, but she didn't say anything, so he must have covered the smell sufficiently.

sss

It took them a month to get to Springfield and by that time he had the respectable beginnings of a beard, not very thick yet, but passable. Ruth often looked over at it like she didn't know what to make of it.

"You don't like it," he said as he caught her staring at it once again.

"I didn't say that, but it'll take some getting used to sure enough," she said, reaching up and feeling it. "I'm so used to you being clean shaven. You trying to look fiercer or something? Cause I think you already that covered pretty well."

A cough ticked his throat and he cleared it. "Just trying something new is all."

Her lips pressed with worry, she asked, "You sure you're feeling okay? You ain't been yourself lately. Maybe we should get a second opinion. Go see another doctor."

"One was enough for me thank you. I'll be fine."

Ruth had let her family know their planned destination in a previous letter and a couple letters were waiting on them there.

She updated him on the news as she read. "There's a traveling preacher named Robert Sheffey that goes around the area. Danny says I'd like him real good. That he'll climb a hill and pray for just hours and that he has a great sense of humor. Says a lot of the old moonshiners and other lost are coming to know Christ because of his work. Would be nice to meet him if we ever get back that way."

A sad cry escaped her throat as read her mother's letter. "My grandmother passed away. I guess a couple of months ago now."

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sad that I can't be with my family, but I'm happy for Granny. Momma said her arthritis had gotten worse. She got to where she could hardly get up or do anything and she's not suffering anymore. And I know she's with Papaw again and a lot of other loved ones gone home and with Jesus best of all."

"It's okay to be sad for yourself though. See you laters can be as sad as goodbyes."

She was crying silently. "Yeah, they can be. But at least we have hope. I don't know how the unbelievers can stand the pain of their grief."

He had tears too for he had liked her grandmother. "She was a good and godly woman."

"She was and one day we'll all be together forever with the Lord."

He swallowed hard. She couldn't possibly know how close that day lurked for him.

Ruth pulled away, comforted by the words. She handed him the letters. Typically she called people to revival through singing when she first came to a town and today was no different; she was turning her mourning into praise for God.

She must have looked strange to the ones who stopped to watch with her having tears in her eyes but singing so joyfully. There was a tinge of bittersweet sorrow in her voice because though it was a cause of celebration for a believer to go home, it was always hard to be left behind and know you would never again meet on this side.

"Glory to God, and praise and love  
>Be ever, ever given;<br>By Saints below, and Saints above,  
>The church in earth and Heaven.<p>

Kid tucked the letters away and got his guitar to accompany her.

"O for a thousand tongues to sing  
>My dear Redeemer's praise!<br>The glories of my God and King,  
>The triumphs of His grace.<p>

My gracious Master, and my God,  
>Assist me to proclaim,<br>To spread through all the earth abroad  
>The honors of Thy name.<p>

Jesus, the name that charms our fears,  
>That bids our sorrows cease;<br>'Tis music in the sinner's ears,  
>'Tis life, and health, and peace!"<p>

He stopped playing, so that her voice could ring out alone and beautiful as she sang the last verse.

"He speaks; and, listening to His voice,  
>New life the dead receive,<br>The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,  
>The humble poor believe.<p>

"Until we meet again," she said softly, knowing God would pass the message along.

She began to tell the gathered crowd, who'd been attracted by the song about the revival.

Kid felt his beard. Would he be the next to cause her such grief? Would he slow her down from her life's work when he got bad off? How could he deal with being the cause of either of those things happening? These were questions he was wrestling with and questions for which he had no answers.


	3. Chapter 3

It was only September, but it seemed the cool weather made Kid's chest hurt and provoked his cough and every time he coughed, Sister Ruth would cast him a shrewd look as if trying to ferret out the reason for it.

"You want to visit your family?" she asked one morning. "We could work our way toward there easy enough."

"No," he said, a little too quickly. His mother would know the disease for what it was because of his cousin. "It's not that I wouldn't love to see them, but that climate's not any better for my cough, according to the doctor."

"Maybe it would be best to travel on down to Louisiana where it'll be a little warmer."

"He said west too. Warm's good, but I think the climate's supposed to be dry too. The southwest is what he recommended, which I guess means Mexican territory."

"Suits me. There's people that need to hear about the Lord, no matter where we go. Did he say how you got your cough?"

"Who knows? Maybe it's even from the smoking I did."

"But you ain't smoked in years."

"Don't mean it didn't do some damage. And some people just cough is all, especially certain times of the year. No rhyme nor reason for it."

"I reckon you're right," she said with a resigned sigh. "A lady at the revival wanted me to come to her house today and see if I could talk some sense to her husband."

"He's not dangerous, is he?"

"Don't think so, but the reverend that came to the meeting yesterday said he'd go along. You just take it easy and see if a little water won't ease your cough some."

He did feel a little tired, so he didn't protest. She left on her errand, and as he was on his way to lay down, he coughed particularly hard. When he pulled his hand away, he saw that a couple specks of fresh blood dotted the cuff of his sleeve.

He wiped it off with his handkerchief and decided he'd better see what the doctor here could do about it before he did something like that in front of Ruth.

The doctor was located across the street and it didn't take the doctor no time at all to reach a diagnosis when he explained that he had consumption and about the newly appeared symptom.

"You got an excess of blood," the rotund, middle-aged man told him, "not uncommon in consumption patients."

Kid cocked his head. How could one have too much blood? But then this man was the doctor, not him. "What can you do about it?"

"That's the easy part. Some simple bloodletting will fix you right up. Possibly cure your consumption completely."

There was a word he'd been waiting, hoping, to hear, cure. He rolled his sleeve up and sat down in the chair.

The doctor went for his tools. He made a small incision in Kid's forearm with a sharp lancet. He was practiced at it too because he created an immediate gusher. Kid was tough, but the sight of the crimson liquid, his own blood, splashing into the pewter bowl made him sick to his stomach and he had to turn his head.

It felt like it took forever and he was beginning to wonder if this doctor was going to leave him any blood, but at last, he reached for a bandage and stemmed the flow.

When Kid got to his feet, he felt as weak and wobbly as a newborn lamb. He was lightheaded and dizzy to top it off.

"This tonic will strengthen you back up," he said, handing him a glass bottle. "Take a spoonful everyday. You need help getting back to your place?"

"No, my room's just right across the street." He didn't want anybody seeing he couldn't half walk and have it get back to Ruth.

He'd thought she would still be with the lady, but she opened the door as he fumbled for the key. She must have seen his staggered walk through the window.

"Are you sick?" she asked in a worried tone. She felt his forehead for fever, having noticed right away his pale color.

"Why you back so soon?" he asked.

"Her husband was out. He must have found out the reverend and I were coming over and went off to hide. I want to know why you don't look good."

"I went to see another doctor just to be sure about the cough. He said the same thing except he figured some bloodletting might help."

'Why would you do a fool thing like that over a little cough?"

"It's a standard medical practice," he argued.

"That don't make it smart. Granny never bled anybody. She said it kills people more often than it saves them."

"I'll be fine. The doc says I got to build back my strength with tonic is all."

"Which you wouldn't have had to do if you didn't let him cut you in the first place over a small tickling cough that goes away in the right weather. You sure the doctors told you the cough was nothing to worry about?"

"Why would I lie? I just thought this might be a quick fix cause it is aggravating." His knees felt ready to buckle and he swayed a little.

"Lord have mercy. You look like you're about to pass out," she said, slipping herself under his arm for support and walking him over to the bed.

She felt the bottle press her side from the inside pocket of his jacket. She fished it out once he was on the bed. "You had any of this stuff yet?"

He shook his head. "He said a spoonful everyday."

She popped the cork and went to get a spoon, which she filled with the clear tonic. She held it up to his lips, taking care that none of it dribbled from his mouth.

"Something just ain't right," she muttered as she covered him with a blanket.


	4. Chapter 4

Kid was thinking he'd have to be near death before he ever let a doctor cut him open again. He was still feeling like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks 2 days later. It was dark outside, but Ruth was already up and the room looked as if it'd been cleared of their possessions. "What's going on?"

"It's pert near sunup. If you're of a mind to, I thought we'd get an early start. You feeling up for it? I got you a place all made up to lay down in the back until your blood thickens up again, but if you don't feel like traveling yet, just let me know."

"I can travel, but why are we leaving so soon?"

"Cause I said so," she said, helping him dress even as she spoke. "There," she said, buttoning the last button. "Can you walk?"

"Of course, I can walk. Anything I can carry down?"

"Nope. I done toted everything down myself."

He hesitated down at the wagon. She was leaving early because of him. "I ain't going to go if you've got work left here to do."

She gave an irritated sigh. "Just climb in the back, will you? It's a right far ways to Mexican territory and we don't want to terry and get caught by an early snow. It'd hardly do wonders for your cough."

"But we've only been here 5 days. When's the last time you had a revival that short in a place this big? Don't slow down on account of me."

"Land sakes, get your hind-end in there and quit fooling around before I chuck you in there myself."

"You are the bossiest woman on God's green earth," he muttered even as he climbed into the back, while she stood behind him, in case he fell.

"Yeah, well, your brains are addled if you think I'm going to sacrifice your health. God is calling us to a climate where your cough will be better."

"And God told you that directly, did He?"

She'd climbed up onto the seat and picked up the reins by this point. She looked at him through the hole in the canvas. "Yep, now quit being so cantankerous before I decide to leave you here in Springfield."

sss

Kid regained his strength slowly over a couple weeks. The bloodletting hadn't worked like he hoped as he was still coughing, but he wasn't yet ready to give up. He was pursuing a quick cure as doggedly as a bloodhound trailed a raccoon.

He was through with those quacks and butchers called doctors, however. They'd probably suggest he remove a lung next. But maybe there was some medicine to be found to cure it. Certainly he'd seen many colorful arrays of bottled medicines at the stores. He was bound to find something for consumption with all the locations they traveled through.

He found what he was looking for at some little town near the border of Missouri and Arkansas Territory. It was a cure-all tonic named after some doctor something-or-other, who'd probably never even looked at a patient. But what did he stand to lose and he had a lot to gain if it worked.

He paid for it and hurried back to the wagon. The fumes that wafted out when he popped the cork certainly smelled potent. He took a drink. Just plain, old-fashioned liquor, he discovered. Still, it might have had a little something added to it, so he drank about half the bottle while Ruth was still praying down at the church. Though she hadn't held any official revivals since Springfield, it didn't slow down her prayer life any and church was one of her favorite places to pray.

He stashed the other half under his pillow for later. The tonic didn't tell a person how much to take, but he figured he should be well covered.

He tried to remain unnoticed when she came back as she started pulling out items she needed for making supper, but she did see him and she saw the telltale signs: the bloodshot, glazed eyes and his slow, clumsy movement.

The frying pan and paring knife in her hands went down on the bench in front of her and she planted her hands on her hips. "I thought I smelled alcohol on you before. Now I know I do. Why, Kid?"

He winced. She had noticed his little slip then; she just hadn't said anything. The disappointment in her voice and expression hurt worse than if she had been angry over it. "It's not like you think." He pulled out the bottle and gave it to her to read. "It's just medicine for my cough."

She opened it and smelled it. "The only thing this is going to cure is a hangover. This ought to be illegal, selling this stuff like it's some kind of miracle to sick folks."

He grunted his agreement.

"We should be in the southwest by December. Will you promise not to try anymore stupid things? At least, try to act like you got a lick or two of sense. Let's just wait and see what the change of climate does for your cough before you kill yourself, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. Just to avoid an argument. He was beginning to think this relocation was as hopeless as the rest of these "snake oil" cures. "I just thought if I found something that worked, you could hold some revivals, instead of us being in such an all-fire hurry."

"I don't care about the revivals right now. Do you mind putting up the kitchen things I drug out or are you able?"

"I'm able. I didn't drink that much."

"I'm going to find somewhere to dump out your wonder remedy. Then we'll go eat at the restaurant they have here where you can get a ready pot of coffee."

"Yes, ma'am, boss," he teased. He sighed with relief when she left. He'd dodged that bullet. He hoped they were there by December because she wasn't an easy lady to hide things from as today had proved and he worried everyday she would learn his real diagnosis.


	5. Chapter 5

The November weather was mild because of how far south and west they had come and already Kid was feeling better, but there was still an occasional cough. He hadn't stopped looking around the general stores for something that would be of help more permanently and his eyes lighted on a book.

It had a fancy title, "An Inaugural Dissertation on Pulmonary Consumption", but it was the consumption part that caught his eye. Surely this book could tell him something.

After making his purchase, he found a spot by a river, hoping Ruth wouldn't coming looking for him there. His chances were good at not getting caught since she was making lunch. He quickly digested its contents.

He learned a whole lot about the causes. It was heredity, which explained his cousin having it. Depression, poor nutrition, certain occupations, eating while one had a cold, asthma and a number of other ailments, and liquor all caused one to come down with it. And the most common age for coming down with it was between puberty and age 36, which made him right on target.

He found out that women were more likely to get it in part because they wore corsets too tightly and because they were more inactive and nervous, which relieved him as Ruth didn't match the feminine criteria hardly at all. It also relieved him to read that it was not contagious, or at least a person had to be susceptible to it first, meaning Ruth was safe from him healthwise.

As far as cures went, there were many remedies suggested. Country air was better than city air. Cold and moisture was bad except in the case of ocean breezes, hence changing climates helped and sometimes cured. The author recommended lancing with care. It may have worked for some people, but it sure hadn't helped him. Digitalis occasionally worked, but it also bore the risk of finishing him off. There were other tonics and medicines mentioned that also came with such warnings. It suggested taking mercury and opium at the very start, but it had to be done early or it was already too late to do any good. And even if it wasn't, they were in a part of the territory now that didn't generally have access to these medicines, which is why Ruth was so needed. It also made mention that in rare cases people became perfectly restored to health, their bodies healing themselves, so at least there was that modicum of hope, small as it was.

The book did give have some useful tips, so it hadn't been a total waste of money. He had to avoid blows to the chest. Easier said than done in his case. Milk was a good reliever of symptoms. Exercise was beneficial, particularly horseback riding. And steam could sometimes alleviate symptoms. He was also supposed to wear flannel.

One thing he wished he hadn't read was the number of deaths the disease caused each year. And consumption was still basically considered incurable. He also read that in the latter stages, it became so debilitating as to require a caregiver. And there was no indication of how long it would take to reach this point. As the first doctor had said and this book backed up; some people lasted only a matter of weeks with it and some lasted as long as 50 years.

He threw the book into the river. Partly from frustration that there was no easy fix and partly so Ruth couldn't find it.

It had only served to add to his worries and he came to a decision. He'd give it 3 weeks when they finally got to where they were going and if there was no change, he'd have to leave her. He couldn't stand the thought of her being forced to tend to him, of her seeing him become useless. Not to mention, she would have to watch him die. Or worse, if it was a slow death and he only served to hinder her calling. He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't expect her to stay tied to him when and if he became nothing more than an invalid. "Please, God, don't let it come to that," he begged.

Dark thoughts plagued him all the rest of the day, which he knew now wasn't good for his consumption, but he couldn't help it.

He dreamed that night that he was drowning. Ruth sat in a row boat as the waves tossed about and the lightening flash. He called to her and she saw him, but she only looked at him with pity and then the pity became disgust and hatred. She turned her head and she began rowing away, leaving the black, stormy waters to pull him in.

He awoke, gasping for air. Apparently, he had done some real tossing about because Ruth was awake and watching him with concern.

"Do you love me?" he asked suddenly.

"Of course, I love you. What kind of question is that?"

"Then hold me."

She did and he breathed a sigh of relief, feeling soothed already.

"Were you just having a bad dream or are you feeling poorly?"

"Neither," he said, clutching her tighter as if she were going to disappear in his arms like a vapor. "I just need you."

He made love to her with the frenzy of a man who knew he might be taking his last drink of water with a long, dry stretch of desert in front of him.


	6. Chapter 6

"Tuscon's only about a week's worth of driving away if this map can be depended on," Ruth said. "It'll be the perfect place to start up the revivals again. Guess that doctor knew what he was talking about. I haven't heard you cough in a couple days."

"Yeah, I guess he did."

She gave him the map and hopped down. She looked in the direction of the river. "I'll pack Grace down with all the buckets and canteens and take her down to refresh all the water. You can never have too much of it in this kind of country."

"Why do you have to do it? I can carry water," he said crabbily. She didn't even know how serious his condition was and she was babying him. He'd hate to see her reaction if she did know.

"Nobody said you couldn't, but there's no reason for you to go. It's a one-man job, or in this case one-woman."

What was the use in arguing with the woman? "You at least got your gravel flipper in case you run into a snake or something?"

"No, but I'll take it. I don't want no run-in with a snake. "

He watched her until she got safely down to the river. Then he better took in where they'd stopped.

He saw a lot of smoke rising up from behind the rocky red hill up ahead. Well, if Ruth wasn't going to let him help out around here, he might as well go check it out, make sure a band of thieves wasn't waiting to ambush them.

He discovered a small, clapboard house, but it wasn't where the smoke poured from. There was a small structure behind the house that looked like a soup bowl turned upside down. It looked to be a smokehouse of sorts , but it was so low down. He stepped closer and the person inside must have heard him because a lean, small elderly man with tough, leather-brown skin came out, clad only in his long johns.

"What are you doing in there?" Kid wanted to know. It was plain he wasn't smoking meat.

"Sweating the sickness out of me. You heat the body up and ain't no sickness that can stand it. I visit the sweat lodge at least once a week. Whatever ails you, will be gone."

"And it works? You've seen it work?"

"My mother was Lakota. She swore by it and she lived to be 97. And I've always enjoyed good health."

That was what the miner had said about the beard. He reached up and felt it, now quite thick and filled in. It didn't itch as much as it had when he started out, but neither did it seem to be beneficial. He was going to shave it off the first chance he got.

"Course, Mother also swore spirits visited her in the lodge, but I think that's cause she spent a little too much time in there myself."

There was no guarantee that it would work, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He wanted absolute surety that the consumption wouldn't come back on him. Too much was at stake not to give it his all. "Care if I try it out?"

"Not at all, stranger. My sweat lodge is your sweat lodge."

The man went in first and Kid crawled through the low opening after him.

He was prone to sweating a lot anyway, but the sweat really started to roll off of him in there.

The man poured water on the red-hot stones.

Kid coughed a little, probably from all the steam and smoke in there.

"You traveling alone?"

"With my wife. She's getting some water down at the river."

"You keep a close eye on her. The land's lousy with Apache and they ain't too fond of settlers."

"Well, we ain't settlers really. She's a revivalist."

"They won't care. They see white people; they see enemies. They've killed so many in just the few last years, thousands, and caused thousands more to flee, that the government's just put a bounty on any male Apache 14 and up. 100 pesos per scalp. That's not bad money. If I was a little younger and a little more ambitious, I'd consider getting me a few."

He saw Kid's gun. "If you're any good with that thing. It might be worth considering your own self."

"It might," he said noncommittally.

The conversation died down as the heat began to get really intense. After a time, he started to see colored lights or spots dancing in front of his eyes. It was no wonder the man's mother had thought she saw spirits.

When he could stand it no longer, he told him, "Thanks. I better get back before the mrs. wonders where I am."

The man nodded to indicate he'd heard.

Kid staggered out of the lodge, feeling somewhat disoriented. His heart was pounding and he felt a little nauseous. It took him a few seconds to remember the direction of the wagon.

His mouth felt cottony from being so dry. The lodge had really dehydrated him and he longed for a drink, but Ruth had taken all the containers to freshen their supplies.

His clothes were drenched in sweat. He wanted to take them off, but he was too fatigued. He just sat down against the stationary wagon wheel and waited for water, shutting his eyes against the sun, the light still painful to his vision after spending time in the cramped, dark space.

He must have been in the sweat lodge longer than it felt because he didn't have to wait long for her return.

She took in his appearance. "Can I not leave you alone for a minute? What have you gone and done to yourself this time?"

"Just met a man behind that hill with a sweat lodge. It sounded like an interesting idea to try out at the time."

Ruth's knuckles went white from gripping Grace's reins so hard. "Kid Cole, look me in the eyes and tell me that the doctor didn't give you a diagnosis worse than what you told me."

He looked her in the eyes. "He didn't tell me I was going to die if that's what you mean."

She breathed a visible sigh of relief and she loosened her grip.

"He said this change in climate was going to solve things and it has. You said yourself you don't hear me coughing anymore."

"Praise God. Well, I guess it's a good thing I went and got some more water," she commented, handing him one of the newly filled canteens.

He gulped it down.

"Slow down or you're going to make yourself sick," she warned before she went to get his spare clothes.

"I know how to drink water," he retorted.

He'd never admit it to her, but he actually enjoyed it when she fussed over him like that.


	7. Chapter 7

A whole week and nary a cough. Kid, at last, felt he could relax. He was clearly one of the lucky few who'd contracted consumption.

Mountains surrounded Tucson, no snow on their peaks despite it being December. Brush, cactus, and other prickly plants dotted the hills. As for the town itself, the adobe buildings were plentiful as was common in this region.

It took a couple tries to find someone who spoke English, but Kid Cole's reputation reached even here, though he had never been to this part of the territory, because his name was clearly words they recognized when they recognized nothing else.

"There is small house edge of town. Nobody uses it," their English speaker told them.

"Can we rent it for a time?" Kid asked.

"For you, Señor Cole? Free. I own it. There never can be too many men with guns in Tuscon. Never know when the Apache attack."

"Why thank you. We appreciate your kindness," Kid said.

The man pointed them in the right direction. The small house was really more of a hovel and a neglected one at that, but it was added protection against the elements and it was free.

Ruth certainly showed no sign of dismay. She only grabbed their broom and a bucket of water and went in to survey the neglect done to the inside.

She wasn't in there long before she screamed, "Kid!"

Her bloodcurdling scream made him think an Apache must have been laying in wait. He rushed in to find out. He sighed with relief when he saw her fright was only from a scorpion.

The scorpion didn't look any happier to have her invading what it clearly thought was its territory. It was probably wise she'd chosen to jump on the chair and since she was safely up on a rickety, old chair, he pulled out his gun out and shot the scorpion dead with one shot.

He went over and helped her down from the chair. "I should've known there'd be one or two hiding in here since it was abandoned. They're good for that. They especially like wood piles."

Her eyes widened at this piece of information and she backed her way to the door. "You saying there could be more of them in here?"

He did a quick check of the room to ease her mind. "It's all clear, but don't worry so much. They're most active at night and even if you do get stung by one, it won't kill you. It might kill a baby, but it shouldn't have enough venom for an adult. It's just enough to cause some not nice things to happen, which could be bad if you weren't healthy. But otherwise it's easily treated. It's the rattlers you got to worry about and the Apache."

"Thank you. That's very reassuring." She inched toward the dead scorpion. She shuddered upon closer inspection. "Rattlers may be worse but those are the nastiest critters I've ever laid eyes on. No wonder scorpions are mentioned in Revelation. Suddenly I understand that passage so much more."

"They ain't too pretty to look at, no."

"If a body wants a preview of hell, they need look no further then here: vicious, deadly creatures, thorny plants, and I'll just bet the heat around here matches up the with the description of that location in the summer."

He laughed. "It's different to be sure, but I wouldn't say this is the devil's land."

"No," she said, "but it's close, the fall is nowhere more evident than here. If that old serpent was going to totally occupy a piece of land, this would be where he'd pick."

He was still smiling as he said, "Thank you for agreeing to come. I know the wildlife around here's not your favorite."

"I know I'm complaining, but I don't really mind. We would've eventually worked our way this way. And our situation could be worse what with all them soldiers gathering in Texas. We had to come this far west to escape that. I pray though the fighting there's short or better yet a resolution is reached without bloodshed."

"I pray so too, but I don't think anyone's going to surrender too easily. Mexico ain't going to want to lose land and Texas badly wants its independence."

There wasn't much light in the day left, but Ruth made as much use of it as she could, attacking the floors with her broom and a vengeance. They'd have to spend another night in the wagon before it was clean enough to be habitable again, however. Kid worked on getting the horses settled and so was the first to spot the color change in the sky.

"Ruth, come look at this," he called into her.

It was one of the most breathtaking sunsets they had ever seen. The sky had taken on vivid, jeweled tones: red, violet, yellow, and orange. It was truly beautiful and a wonderful welcome.

"Okay, I admit it, Lord," Ruth said. "You are still sovereign even here."

Kid laughed and drew her close, kissing the now dusty top of her head.

sss

Ruth knew how to get a revival together with miraculous speed. Kid had seen her do it more times than he could count, but it still amazed him. The morning was spent finishing the cleaning and the afternoon was spent on the revival.

The attendees were mostly Hispanic, there was only one white family, which begged the question of whether they would be able to understand English, but Ruth didn't seem to be concerned when Kid brought it up. "They'll understand the spirit of worship. We still serve the same God after all."

She opened up with a hymn like always.

"My hope is built on nothing less  
>than Jesus' blood and righteousness;<br>I dare not trust the sweetest frame,  
>but wholly lean on Jesus' name."<p>

He joined her with his voice and guitar. The words took on new meaning to him in the light of all that had happened.

"On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;  
>all other ground is sinking sand;<br>all other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,  
>I rest on His unchanging grace;<br>in every high and stormy gale,  
>my anchor holds within the veil."<p>

He was thankful that he was out of the darkness.

"On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;  
>all other ground is sinking sand;<br>all other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood  
>support me in the whelming flood;<br>when all around my soul gives way,  
>He then is all my hope and stay."<p>

A gorgeous promise, he thought to himself.

Bodies got healed and souls were saved despite the language barrier, but Ruth was good with gestures and the man from yesterday had shown up and was translating to those who needed it.

It was a fine day weather-wise too and he felt overwhelmingly blessed as they packed to return to their temporary dwelling. He was married to the love of his life, he served a gracious God, and his health had been restored. What more could he want or ask for?

Ruth came around the corner of the wagon and he picked her up and spun her around. The joy at a new lease on life that spread through his being now found its way into a sound kiss.

"I'm not saying I don't like it, but what was that for? You ain't been nipping at the tonic again, have you?" she said it teasingly, but she did wonder what had gotten into him.

"Do I have to have a reason to kiss my wife? I just have a feeling that life is only going to get better for us from here on out."


	8. Chapter 8

Ruth always gave him a monthly trim since there generally wasn't a barber handy.

"Can you take care of my beard too while you're at it?" Kid asked as he sat down. He could shave himself and usually did, but getting rid of a beard was a little more trouble.

She put a towel around his neck. "I'll do that first," she said. She took the scissors to it, cutting as much of it off as she could.

Then she brought out the razor, the straight steel catching the sunlight. "Now comes the fun part. You're not afraid I'm going to slit your throat?" she asked.

"I trust you with my life. But mostly I feel safe because I saw you shave the under-fur off the pelt for your muff."

She laughed as she got the bowl of water and soap ready. The razor was still nice and sharp since it hadn't been used in a while.

"To be perfectly honest," she told him as she brought the razor against his skin. "I'm glad you're getting rid of it. Your beard kind of tickles."

He couldn't say anything back because if he did, the sharp razor would nick him.

30 minutes later, she announced, "I knew you were there somewhere under all that hair."

"It does feel nice to be clean-shaven again," he agreed.

"I have to shave you more often," she said as she wiped the small hairs off the blade. "It was kind of nice getting to say anything I wanted to you."

"Like you don't do that anyway," he said, using the towel to dry his now smooth cheeks.

"Yeah, but this way there's no smart replies," she teased.

She went after his hair next, getting it up off his ears and collar. "There. Now that I got you all cleaned up, I can work on the stove."

She referred to the little box stove that had been left behind. It wasn't a grand model, but it was a luxury to them. It didn't just heat; it could bake too. Something they couldn't do over a campfire. She could also stand at it instead of having to kneel and crouch to do the cooking and it looked as if it would be easier on wood, a time-saving device.

"A nice lady who lives just down yonder promised me some eggs yesterday after the revival, so if I get it cleaned up, we can have us some baked goods."

"Can I do anything to help?"

"You could run to the store and get some more flour. I thought we could bake Señor Martinez something for his kindness in letting us stay here."

"Sure," he agreed.

It amazed him on his way there how much bluer the sky looked and how much sweeter the birds seemed to sing without the fear of death hanging over his head.

He was checking the flour to make sure there were no mites in it when he heard a cough from the customer beside him.

He recognized a consumptive cough now. "Give it time, friend. This air'll likely clear your consumption right up."

He laughed dryly. "I have been here 3 years."

"It didn't cure you?" Of course, he'd read that such could be the case.

"It acted like it did for a time, but it was false hope. The disease is always there lying in wait like a vulture. I've learned that the hard way. Watched my wife and little girl die of it."

Despite the fact that the day was a pleasant 60s, it felt as if cold had sunk deep into his bones.

He paid for the flour and then he went on a long walk, sack of flour in hand, to think it all through.

He was back to having no future and that meant he had no future with Ruth. A thought that made him feel empty inside, but he had to separate from her before it came back on him.

On the bright side, he thought, it'd give her the liberty to go where she pleased again. He still worried about her safety without him, but that was worry he was going to have to hand over to God because He was giving him a death sentence. Ruth would be alone whether he liked it or not.

He'd have to think of a way to make sure she was financially set. He could at least do that much. The fastest way, if that old man with the sweat lodge could be believed, was to collect some Apache scalps, though definitely not the easiest if the bloodthirsty stories he heard were true.

His steps eventually led him back to Ruth.

She looked endearing covered in the black smudges of her labor and the stove looked fresh from the store thanks to her cleaning and polishing. His breathing became a little ragged as he thought how limited his time with her was.

"Took you long enough," she said with a smile.

"I was just jawing with some of the townspeople," he said, his lips tight. "You got to know my every move or something?"

She only furrowed her eyebrows in puzzlement at his snarly mood. "I was just playing with you, honey. So what do you feel like? Bread, cake, cookies?"

Putting it off and waiting until the sickness returned wasn't going to make it any easier on her or him. And there was never going to be a right time to say it. "I'd like a divorce."


	9. Chapter 9

He had done the impossible, rendered her silent. She stared at him until he grew uncomfortable under her peerless gaze. "Well, say something," he said, words he never thought he'd need to say to Ruth.

"What am I supposed to say to that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Wouldn't surprise me if I had, being married to you all this time." He winced at his own harsh words, but he knew of no better way to begin to put distance between them than arguing with her.

She ignored the stinging comment. "That's why you've been acting so peculiar lately, so secretive," she surmised.

"I've been thinking about it for awhile," he said, agreeing with her false conclusion.

She swallowed hard before she asked, "Is it because I can't give you children?"

She looked embarrassed and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and assure her of his love, but of course, he couldn't. "What? No, don't be ridiculous, but thank God we don't have children, right? It would have made things a lot harder. Maybe this is the reason why we didn't."

"Is it because you're tired of life on road? Because I will settle down with you if that's what it takes to save this marriage. God would understand."

"That's not it either. It ain't anything that can be fixed. No point in trying."

"Well, what is it then? We've been married 7 years. 7 years, Kid. I deserve an explanation."

"You were right all long. Some people are made to live the single life and not marry. I discovered too late that I'm one of those people. I've tried to make it work, Ruth, honest to God, I have, but I've reached the end of my rope. I just can't do it anymore. I can't pretend."

"Well, I wasn't pretending. Why didn't you tell me how you felt sooner? How long have you felt this way?"

"A long time, but I ain't going to leave you destitute. I promised to take care of you and I'll see to it that you have no financial worries."

"Money?" she stuttered. "That's what you think I care about right now? I don't want it. I was fine before you came and I'll be fine when you're gone."

Her words were like a knife. "You're young yet. You got time to find someone else." It killed him to say it, but he didn't want her going through life alone.

Her mouth fell open in hurt and shock. "How can you even suggest that? Besides, no one'd want to marry a divorced woman."

"That may be true on the east coast, but you know as well as I do, that it's different on the west coast where women are scarce."

"You trying to ease your conscience? Well, you can forget it. The last thing I'm looking to do is get married again. You want a divorce? Fine, but that ends your having to worry about what I do or don't do."

It hurt Kid that he had her onboard with it so quickly, but hadn't that been his aim? "I've heard divorces are easy to get in California," he mentioned.

"Well, good," she retorted, her Celtic temper showing in the color of her cheeks. "The easier the better. Tomorrow work for you?" she asked, not caring she had a revival scheduled.

"No sense in putting it off," he agreed. "Might as well pull out of here." He handed over the flour he still carried in one arm, but she didn't take it when he released his hold, causing it to fall to the floor and for some of the white flour to spill out.

"Fix your own dinner. After all, if you're going to be a bachelor again, you might as well get used to it." On those words, she slammed the door behind her on her way outside.

He had to fight the desire to chase after her. Oh, how he wanted to tell her it was all a mistake, a temporary moment of insanity.

He watched her climb into the wagon through the window, no doubt she intended to sleep out there. She couldn't even stand to be under the same roof with him now.

Well, what did he expect? He'd driven her to be angry with him on purpose and he was going to have to argue with her a lot more in the coming days. It would serve to distract her from noticing anything amiss and it was the best way to make a clean break.

Ruth's anger dissolved into tears away from prying eyes. She pulled out a lace handkerchief, a gift from Kid, that made her cry harder. She'd talked big in front of him, but she knew she had to have done something to make him feel the way he did. A person didn't just wake up one day and decide marriage wasn't for them after all, not unless the person had did or had failed to do something. "Lord, show me what I've done and show me what I can do to save my marriage," she prayed.


	10. Chapter 10

Ruth had made supper after all outside over the campfire and brought Kid some of the winter stew as a peace offering. Kid needing her to stay angry had made comments about the quality of it though it tasted just fine.

Ruth was already waiting for him the next morning. She sat there silently, her body rigid with angry tension, as Kid packed the few things they'd brought into the house.

"I got to say I'm enjoying this peace and quiet," he said as he climbed up beside her. He wasn't really, but it seemed like the thing to say to get an argument going.

She started to open her mouth. He could tell she wanted to say something to him in reply, but she showed remarkable restraint.

Folks had to be told of their leaving. They found Señor Martinez chewing the fat with some other men in front of the general store.

He came out to meet them. Since it was just a short walk to main street, he knew their coming in the wagon meant they were going. "Leaving already?"

"A last minute decision," Ruth said with a tight smile. "But we got something to take care of. Came up kind of sudden like. We got your little stove cleaned up though."

"You could have if you want it. My wife got a more new model."

"That's sweet, but we're always on the move. We couldn't lug a heavy thing like that around."

"I understand. I will tell others there will be no revival today. A shame. I enjoyed the last one."

A fact that prickled Ruth's conscience, but she wasn't the one who'd asked for a divorce. She tried to stomp on the bitter thought, knowing she must have played an equal part in the dissolution, but she wished she knew what that part was. Kid seemed determined not to tell her.

After saying goodbye to Señor Martinez, they set off.

When Kid couldn't take the silence anymore, he asked, "It's killing you to keep quiet, ain't it?"

"Are you trying to say I'm loud?" she demanded.

"If the shoe fits," he said, leaving the phrase unfinished.

"There's a whole lot I could say to you, but none of it would be charitable. So don't tempt me into sin."

She must have meant it too because Kid saw her lips working in prayer, no doubt praying for more charitable thoughts.

They'd gotten a couple miles when Ruth spotted something in the distance. She gave a gasp when she realized what it was. "There's a man over there."

"You sure?"

"I'm not blind," she retorted.

"Well, I ain't either. Where?"

She pointed and there was a man lying prostrate on the sandy ground about a couple hundred feet to the left.

Against his better judgment, he brought the wagon closer to investigate. He'd barely brought it to a stop when she hopped down. "Ain't you got any sense? You trying to break your neck?"

"Would you hush up? It's my neck."

The man's chest was bare. He wore only moccasin boots and a long loin cloth unless one counted the bandana tied around his forehead and the paint on his cheeks. That was an Apache man and a warrior one at that. Fortunately though, the man was out cold. His lips were dry and cracked and he was flushed with fever.

Ruth moved over to his feet. "I'll help you lift him," she said.

"Into the wagon?"

"Where else? We can't just leave him out here."

"We don't have time to stop and tend to every person we meet along the way. And certainly not this one. Can't you see he's dangerous?"

"What has gotten into you? It's like you're somebody I don't even know. There's a man hurt. That's all that matters. Have some compassion."

He looked at the man again. He'd hit his head against a rock. He must've gotten in a scuffle with somebody and they left him for dead. Probably one of his own kind because a white man would've most likely finished him off or collected the reward being offered. Kid hesitated at picking up the other end of him because it wouldn't be a happy, grateful man if they got him back to health, but Ruth was right. It was the right thing to do, so he helped her carry him to the back of the wagon.

Kid went back to take a closer look at the weapon that had been laying beside the man. He picked up the strange club that was made from the jawbone of some animal. The teeth on it were polished and it had hide and beads decorating it. It was almost pretty in a way, but no doubt it could do some damage if the sharpened edge of the bone was any indication.

"Leave it. He won't be needing that."

"I wasn't intending on giving it to him, but it is interesting to look at." He almost forgot he and Ruth were fighting. He held the weapon up so she could see. "Look, they fight with the jawbone of an ass. I think they'd like to hear the story of Sampson, don't you?"

"I'd bring a revival to them if I could, but I don't think it'd work out too well."

Kid set the club back down and came back to the wagon. "At least you got enough brains to realize that," he said as he returned to the wagon. "Do you know his scalp's worth a 100 pesos? We ought to collect and be on our merry way." It wasn't really a serious comment. He knew Ruth wouldn't go for it and he'd come to the decision that he couldn't kill a man in cold blood. Capture a man to face a trial or shoot him in self defense, yes, but not simply for money.

"And do you know he's worth an immeasurable fortune in God's eyes?"

"Maybe so, but you know he wouldn't show you the same courtesy if it had been him that happened upon you, don't you? If you were lucky enough to be taken captive, which you wouldn't be as a married woman, they'd mutilate you. Them and the Comanche. They're not nice people."

"How can you expect them to act godly when they ain't been introduced to God? Don't change what we have to do cause we know better. If we know what is good and don't do it, that's the same as sinning and I can heal this man's body, not through faith, but by tending to him."

"You got a fine argument, but what if he's some kind of chief's son and they send in a whole tribe of Apache after him? You going to be ready for that?"

"I don't think that's very likely. I do think we should take him back to Tuscon. He's in need of shelter as the nights are probably too chilly for him to be in the open air and maybe there's a doctor we can call on if things don't improve."

"You're inviting trouble to our doorstep, to Tuscon's doorstep. And we should be on our way to California."

"You got a woman you're in an all-fire hurry to marry or something?"

"Oh, yeah, cause I meet so many women traveling in a wagon with you. I got one hiding back there under your pew benches."

"Then you can wait a little while longer. God will watch over us and Tuscon."

He hoped it was true that he had enough time to wait. He had to find some way to make some money and see that she was taken care of after he was gone and Tuscon seemed too sleepy to make fast money, but he hadn't tried very hard. He'd always been a decent card player. Ruth was against gambling, but that didn't much matter right now. "What about the people in Tucson? You think they're going to let you bring an Indian into their midst?"

"What they don't know, won't hurt them. No one says we got to announce our business. But if we're going to make it back before nightfall, we better go instead of standing around arguing all day."

Ruth got into the back with their new Indian friend. Kid kept stealing looks back to make sure he hadn't come to or was even getting close to it. He still thought this was a bad idea.

"We're almost there. Time to cover him up and come up here with me," Kid informed her when they got close.

Señor Martinez was right where they'd left him. "You ran into trouble?"

He'd hit it right on the nose, Kid thought.

"No," Ruth answered. "Kid just decided he didn't feel too well. He wants to rest up a little bit."

"I am sorry to hear, Señor Cole. Of course you are welcome to stay in the small house again. Nothing serious I hope?"

"Nothing a little rest won't cure him of," Ruth replied. For someone who didn't lie very often, it came quite natural to her. Kid almost believed her himself.

They rode onto the house.

Ruth kept the blankets on so it wouldn't be immediately obvious that they were carting a man inside.

"You are the craziest woman I have ever met in my life," Kid told her between grunts as they carried their heavy load.

"That's the nicest thing you've said to me all day," she said sarcastically.

It was one of the only things he had truly meant too. How did she think they were going to successfully hide an Apache right on the edge of town? She was thinking with her heart, not her head. He loved her for it, but it didn't make the situation any easier.


	11. Chapter 11

Ruth put the blankets down on the floor close to the fireplace and then Kid laid the man down on top of them.

Ruth went over and uncovered a couple hot coals from the buried ash and got a fire going again. If only she could rekindle Kid's love for her as easily.

She turned around. Kid had sat down on the floor with his back settled against the adobe wall and it didn't look like he was going to be moving anywhere anytime soon.

"You going to spend the night in here?" she asked. "I thought you'd sleep out in the wagon. I got to be in here to take care of him, you know."

"You thought wrong then. I'm not leaving you alone with this man."

"It's not your job to watch over me anymore."

"Just because I want to divorce you doesn't mean I want to see you dead. The discussion is closed."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head and did her best to ignore him as she went to feel if the man's fever had gotten any better or worse. It still felt about the same as far as she could tell.

The smell of his unbathed body was overpowering and made her gag, especially in a cramped space like this. Something had to be done or she was going to be sick. A washing probably wouldn't hurt his fever either. She went out to the wagon without a word to Kid and got a bowl of water, a rag and a bar of soap.

"What are you doing?" Kid asked when he saw her with the items.

"What's it look like? Somebody's got to bathe the man."

"Well, it won't be you," he said right away.

"What's the difference? I've already seen him half naked."

"And that's a fact I'm not too happy about. Being divorced doesn't mean you can throw decency out the window. I hope this isn't a preview of your future."

"Well, I hope it ain't either cause I don't enjoy bathing stinking men. But if you're so eager to do it, far be it from me to stop you." She handed him the supplies and watched him start with his face. She couldn't figure Kid out. He was still acting like a jealous husband, but maybe old habits died hard and he would've likely protected any lady's virtue this way. Once she was satisfied that he was doing a thorough job, she turned to get started on making some beef tea to help fight the fever.

Fresh beef would have better, but dried beef was all they had. Brewing the tea reminded her of her grandmother, who'd taught her how to make it, and the tears welled up. Sometimes she didn't really believe she was gone. She had the illogical thought that if she went back to Virginia, she would see her there waiting to greet her. She knew she was gone with her head, but her heart wasn't quite ready to accept it. And now she was losing Kid too. That would feel like another death.

She wiped the tears with her sleeve before they fell. This was no time to feel sorry for herself.

When the tea was sufficiently warm, she asked, "Is he decent?"

"As decent as he can be in a loincloth, but his bath's done if that's what you mean."

And he did smell better, but now it seemed the smell of the beef was getting to her. She hoped that didn't mean the meat was getting putrid, but it had looked fine. She took a sip to be sure before she gave it to him. Didn't taste like it though she couldn't say she particularly enjoyed the taste.

She stooped down and raised the Apache's head, letting the tea dribble into his mouth. He was swallowing, which was a good sign. She slowly got about half a cup down him. Her legs had gone to sleep by that point and she decided to give them both a rest. She gently laid his head back down and carefully got to her feet and wait for the tingling and prickling to stop, so she could walk straight.

She set the cup down on the mantle. It suddenly felt very hot to Ruth, but she couldn't risk letting a breeze in because a neighbor might see their guest and because of the sick man himself as the evening air wouldn't be good for his fever. Letting the fire die down was also out of the question as he needed to keep warm. The poor man was already shivering up a storm.

She rolled up her sleeves and undid the first few buttons of her top. That felt a little better but not much. She noticed with a start that Kid had been watching her and she recognized that look. He was still physically drawn to her.

He noticed that she noticed and he looked away quickly. "I hope you're going to right yourself when he comes to."

"Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. You're so sure he's going to kill us when he comes to, I don't see what difference it makes."

She pulled out a folded paper from her Bible that had her Bible study notes on it and made a fan of it. As she fanned, she thought more about the look he'd given her. That ruled out his having lost his desire for her, but a man could be attracted to a woman without loving her. So that brought her back to what had she done to make him want a divorce so bad.

"Kid, why are you so bent on leaving me without even trying to work it out?" she asked softly in a tone that cut Kid to the core. "What did I do?"

"I told you, you didn't do anything," he said sharply. "I-"

A groan interrupted whatever it was he had been about to say. Their Indian friend was waking up.


	12. Chapter 12

The man's black eyes suddenly snapped open and he sprung to life. His eyes darted around and he picked up a flaming stick from the fireplace. Kid quickly got the cast iron pot she'd used to fix the beef tea in.

Ruth spoke to him in calm, kind tones. Kid's tone was a little sharper but also calm. They both tried to tell them that he was sick and hurt and they were helping him, but of course, he didn't understand a word they were saying or maybe just didn't believe them.

Kid kept his gun at the ready until he got close. The man bandied the stick toward Kid but obviously was still too weak to be much of a threat. Kid hit him with the pot and he crumpled in a heap. Ruth quickly got the stick back in the fireplace and stomped out the sparks that had gotten on one of the quilts with her shoes.

"Did you have to hit him so hard over the head?" she asked.

"No, I could've shot him," he retorted. "Do you know that cussed Indian could have burned the blasted house down?"

"Watch your language. You can hardly blame the man. How safe would you feel if you woke up in a tipi with a bow and arrow trained on you?"

"The gun was a necessary precaution as you saw. He should've been tied up all along."

"I know. I'm just saying it looked bad on his end, but you're right about tying him up until we can communicate that we mean him no harm," Ruth acquiesced.

"What we ought to do is put his butt back where we found him and continue on to California," he fussed even as he tore strips from one of the blankets with his pocketknife to use as makeshift ropes.

"I think a doctor should look at him if there's one to be had," Ruth said when he'd finished the job. "We'll better know what we can do for him, so we can release him."

"You make him sound like a bird. I guess I could get some of my clothes on him, cut his hair. Try to pass him off like a Mexican or at least a half breed, but how are we going to explain having him tied up if you do find somebody?"

"I don't know, but his being knocked out twice worries me. I guess we'll just say that he's not right after getting hit and's a danger to himself and others, which is true enough."

"This was a bad idea from the start," Kid complained. "I don't think this is going to end well."

"Well, we're into it too deep to back out now. See if you can get the rest of the beef tea down him, while I go out," she said as she put her dress back in order.

She found Señor Martinez, the man she knew was sure to speak English.

"Señora Cole, how is Señor Cole?" he asked.

"Not well, I'm afraid."

"Is he in pain?"

"Oh, there's some pain somewhere," she muttered, thinking more of the pain in the behind he was being than of anybody ailing. "I was hoping there'd be a doctor around to have a look at him."

"No doctor, but remember the white family? You had to have seen them among all the darks skins. They stuck out like a candle in the night."

"Yeah, I do recall them."

"Well, the man, Señor Via, just traps fur now, but he go to Harvard Medical school for almost a year, which all but makes you a doctor in these parts."

"He'll do," Ruth agreed. "Where can I find him?"

"Don't trouble yourself. I bring him to you."

"That's kind of you, but I can find Señor Via."

"No, I will do it. You go be with your husband."

"It's just Mr. Cole is a private man. Not real fond of having to see a doctor." Señor Martinez looked alarmed and Ruth rushed to explain. "Kid won't shoot him, I promise. Just the less people involved, the better."

"I understand," he said, looking somewhat relieved. "I just tell Señor Via where to go then."

"Thank you. I reckon I better get back to Kid then."

Mr. Via showed up about 15 minutes later. "I'm here to see Mr. Kid Cole I believe?" he said when Ruth answered the door.

Once the bearded man was inside and the door shut, she said, "Actually it's a friend of ours." She gestured to the blankets where the Indian lay, still unconscious, with newly shorn hair and in Kid's clothes, which were ill-fitting because Kid was a lot taller.

"That's no Spaniard. I know an Indian when I see one. You have an Indian," Mr. Via said with a gasp.

"And that's going to stay private knowledge, ain't it?" Kid asked in a calm, serious voice with his gun drawn, ignoring Ruth's frown.

"Y-you bet, Mr. Cole," Mr. Via stuttered.

"Good now that you're here, I'm going to see to some personal needs. My wife will let me know if you're any trouble. Don't leave till I get back," he warned. "And whatever you do don't untie him."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Mr. Via said immediately.

"I was talking to Sister Ruth on that last part," he said, shooting her a look of warning.

She gave a disgusted sigh. "Would you go already?"

When the door clicked closed, they stepped closer to the patient.

"He took a nasty bump to the head. Twice," Ruth explained as she picked up her improvised fan again. "I'm concerned for the damage it may have done."

"Is that that all then? That's good news. Never progressed to surgeries, you see, so if he'd needed an amputation or something that would have been bad news. Of course, let's hope he didn't splinter his skull."

He parted his hair and looked at the cut the rock had made and the goose egg from the pot. "Looks like you cleaned it up good. With his hair in the way, it can be hard to tell, but it looks free of infection to me, at least so far."

He opened his eyelids next. "His pupils are pretty big, but I think he'll live. May wake up confused and dizzy though, but that might be a good thing in this case. He feels warm, but I'd say his fever is likely connected with his head injury."

"So he'll recover then?"

"Probably. If it doesn't get infected and if he wakes up soon. Looks a little dehydrated too. He's lucky you found him when you did. Looks like you have a good handle on things. Keep giving him plenty to drink. He can go back wherever he came from in a day or two. If his wound starts looking infected though, let me know and I'll see what I can do. Which probably ain't much."

"Thank you for your help. God will bless you for your kindness."

"Yeah, well, if your husband wasn't a notorious gunfighter, I'd be worried and would have no choice but to tell. Watch him even so though. Nothing sneakier than an Injun."

"We will. Would you care for some water while we wait for Kid?" she asked politely though she didn't care too much for his prejudice in insinuating that all Indians were the same. "I'd offer you tea, but I'd have to heat it up and he won't be gone long, and to tell you the truth, the smell of the beef tea earlier about did me in. You might be paying a visit on me next."

"No thank you."

"I wish I had a place for you to set. I'll have to have Kid bring in a bench. My own back's about to kill me. Right in my lower back. Of course, I guess I shouldn't be telling you that, but you are practically a doctor."

"Oh, no, I'm fine standing. Spend more time outside then in, so a lack of furniture doesn't bother me anyway. Congratulations by the way."

"For what? " she asked with a half smile. "Being married to Kid Cole? The way I feel right now, you could have him."

"No, for being in the family way."


	13. Chapter 13

"No, no. That can't be," Ruth insisted. "I've been married for years. I haven't once gotten in a family way. Why now?"

"Providence, I suppose. God's timing and all that, but you're the one who would know about that, not me," Mr. Via said.

"It can't be," she repeated. But she knew it could be. She was late and she'd felt a little off lately, not quite herself. She supposed she'd been too preoccupied with everything: Kid's behavior, the loss of her grandmother, and now the Indian, that she hadn't paid any attention to the signs, but they were all there. Just exactly the same complaints her sister had described when she was first pregnant with Danny.

"Might be something else. I assumed you knew already," Mr. Via said placatingly.

"Oh, God," she said prayerfully under her breath. She was shocked because she'd already come to terms with the fact that she had to be barren and she'd stopped hoping every month, devastated because it didn't seem like divine timing to her mind, and a little happy despite the circumstances.

"Is something wrong? Most women are ecstatic when they find out."

"Oh, yeah. No, I am. Just a little surprised is all. Can we keep this between us for now?"

"Want a chance to tell him yourself? That's understandable. He won't hear it from me."

It was quiet after that. Mr. Via was watching for Kid's return and Ruth just couldn't seem to get past the 'I'm pregnant' that she was hearing in her thoughts. Kid came back a couple of minutes later.

Kid paid the man for his trouble. "What'd he say?" he asked after he was gone.

"Hmm?" she asked only half hearing him. Her mind was still reeling from the news.

"I said what'd he say?"

"Oh, uh. That he should be okay in a couple days assuming everything goes well."

"Well, that's good then. Why do you look so disappointed?"

Her eyes darted over to him. Was she so transparent? Had he guessed the problem already? "I'm not disappointed. Just tired. And hungry. I'll go see I can dredge up."

What she dredged up was the softened beef she'd used to make the tea, crackers, and fruit preserves that were a reddish purple color, a gift from one of the revival attendees, who'd proudly explained that it came from a prickly fruit that grew wild on the cactuses. If she'd tried cooking anything in her state, she likely would've burned herself. Kid brought a bench in for them to sit on.

The preserves tasted a little like a fruiter watermelon, not bad at all, but the important thing was it wasn't making her stomach turn. She left the beef to Kid and stuck to the crackers and preserves.

She had to tell him about the coming baby, but she dreaded the reaction it would cause. He would be even less happy than she was. She fought the desire to put a protective hand over where the new life was growing inside her. She would never wish the child away, but why had it been so long in coming? Why now when the future was so unsure?

"The crackers are stale," Kid commented.

She broke out into tears, which startled Kid. He hadn't meant to make her cry. Though he'd seen her cry before, Ruth wasn't generally the weepy type and it wasn't the worst thing he'd said to her lately either. It hadn't even been a direct statement against her, just a fact. "I'm sorry," he apologized immediately, feeling like an incredible louse and wanting to stop the tears.

She was embarrassed by her crying. She'd lost control over her life and now even her own body seemed to be conspiring against her. "No, you're not. Get out."

"Ruth," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. He lifted a comforting hand to her shoulder.

"Don't you touch me," she said before his hand had made it there and she scooted further down the bench. "Not unless you've changed your mind about the divorce."

He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. Of course, he hadn't. "No, I just-" He sighed. "I can't stand to see a woman cry. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. I still want to divorce."

As Ruth fought to get her emotions in check, she thought more about the baby.

She'd wanted a way to fix her marriage and wouldn't Kid stay with her if he found out she was pregnant? 'Thank God we didn't have children', he'd said. He'd further said a baby would've made things harder. Harder how? Harder in that they would have to figure out a way to share him or her after the divorce or harder in that they would have to stay married for the sake of the child?

Folks did, of course. Stay together when the sparks of romantic love were long gone. Some had never had it in the first place. And it was good that they did stay together because, as she'd advised troubled couples in the past, everyone had highs and lows; it didn't mean the love was gone or couldn't develop. They just had to ride it out and work at repairing the broken relationship. God would help them, she had told them, if they asked. Now look. She was half of a troubled couple and she didn't know how to take her own advice.

The Bible made it clear that God didn't like divorce at all. He allowed it in cases of adultery, but even then he'd rather the couple work it out. 'Until death do we part' were not just empty words in a ceremony. Divorce would be a sin, not her sin alone per say since she wasn't the one insisting upon it but still a sin. And yet, if he wanted to go his own way, she loved him enough to let him because she certainly couldn't and wouldn't hold him against his will. If he wanted one, she wanted one, she thought stubbornly.

"I wish we'd had a baby. At least then this marriage wouldn't seem like a complete waste," she said, she was feeling out his reaction before she delivered the blow.

"That would be stupid. There'd be another mouth for me to figure out how to feed from afar and you'd have a child underfoot while you were trying to do your revivals." He said it and in a way he meant it because it was a practical viewpoint, but his nonpractical side would've loved to have had a child with her too. A legacy to live on after he was gone, a son or daughter who was a little bit of both of them. But it wasn't meant to be and there was no use dreaming about what would never happen.

At least she knew now. She wouldn't tell him because it wasn't going to change anything except convince him he needed to send her more money. It was clear enough he didn't want to know about it. And at least this way, when her son or daughter asked about its father, she could say that he hadn't known and her baby could believe its father would've loved him or her enough to stay.

But the baby still complicated things. She would be showing by the time they reached California and then he would know anyway. "I don't want to go to California. If we're going to get a divorce, I want one right here. It may be a little harder, but I'm not going to go on a wild goose chase across the country. Divorces are hard to get anywhere. We'll try here and if they won't give us one then just leave and let me get back to the Lord's work."

Now Kid was the one who felt like crying. He was stunned by her words. He was starting to believe she wanted a divorce more than he did, which wouldn't have taken much because he didn't really want one, but at least he would've had time to prepare himself for having to part with her if they'd gone to California. Who was he fooling though? He'd never be prepared. Maybe now was better. "But then how are you going to get remarried?"

"I told you once I'm not. Get that through your thick head. I don't need a husband to take care of me. God will. Unless it's you looking to get remarried."

"No."

"Then who cares what the law says about it? We'll be separated and that's all that will matter, right?"

Except she'd likely be a widow and not even know it. "I'd rather have the finality of divorce, so we can both move on. What are the laws here in Mexico, I wonder?"

"I don't know. Probably strict with their Catholic background, but laws are going to be strict anywhere and have you thought that a reason is usually required for divorce and a good one at that? Most times adultery is the only excuse, not just a simple marriage wasn't for me or that you find me too noisy or bossy. They'll laugh you out of court if that's all you have to say."

"I have thought of that and I'm willing to say whatever it is I need to say and take the full blame for it."

Again, she was struck by how badly he wanted away from her. What had she done to merit this? "Why? You would really lie like that? And under oath?"

"If I needed to." Kid felt a little dizzy. This was suddenly happening so fast. How was he going to make sure she was financially secure before she left?

He didn't want to leave her alone with the Indian, but the saloon was open and there was money in his pocket. The man was tied up after all and the neighbors a mere 20 steps away. He gave her his knife to be on the safe side. If he was going to a saloon, he needed his gun too much to leave it with her and she wouldn't use it anyway, knowing her. "I'm going out to earn you some money before this all takes place."

She wasn't protesting anymore about taking the money, which he thought strange, but he thought it was even stranger that she didn't ask how he was going to get the money. He supposed he had to get used to her not caring what he did. "I'll see you in an hour or two."

A strangled sob escaped her lips after he was gone. Ruth jumped when she noticed the black eyes on her. The Indian was awake and he was watching her. She tried to picture what the little domestic scene would have looked like if one didn't speak English. What did it matter? He seemed calmer. Though she was going to leave him tied at least until Kid got back.

Grateful for something to take her mind off her problems, she brought some of the crackers and preserves over. "You have to be hungry. I'm afraid I'll have to feed you, since you're all tied up. Is that okay?"

He only blinked at her, but he ate it when she brought one to his lips.

"At least, I don't have to listen to you complain that the crackers are stale," she told him and it could have been her imagination, but he looked a little sympathetic.

She spoke to God next. "Oh, Lord, thank You for providing us with something to eat and for allowing me to be here to help this man. Forgive us of our sins. I feel they're many lately. Me especially, Father. And help me focus on my countless blessings, which include this baby that You've given me. Look after Kid cause I'm sure he's going to be getting into some kind of foolishness tonight. In Christ's name, amen."


	14. Chapter 14

It always amazed Kid how much he disliked coming into saloons and cantinas, especially when he had once spent so much time in them before he met Ruth.

His eyes alighted onto a familiar face at once. If Señor Martinez was surprised to see Kid there, he didn't let it show. He stood up from a table that he shared with 2 other men. "Ah, Señor Cole. You must be feeling better. Come play a game of poker with us."

Just the invitation he was hoping for. "We playing for real money? Cause I'm looking to make a little."

"What would be the fun of poker if we didn't?" returned Señor Martinez.

Kid sat down at the small and rough-hewn, circular table and matched the money on the table.

"This is Señor Garcia and Señor Vela," Señor Martinez introduced.

"How do you do?" Kid asked.

Both men nodded, understanding the tone if not the words. And apparently Kid needed no introduction.

The one across from him doled out the cards.

Kid looked at his hand. His odds were good. 3 of the cards were queens. He at least had 3 of a kind and if luck was on his side, he thought as he traded in the other 2, he might even pull off a full house or 4 of a kind.

No such luck though as he examined the new cards, but 3 of a kind was nothing to sniff at. Kid prided himself on his poker face. Whether he had a winning hand or a losing hand, he didn't so much as twitch, allowing him to bluff or not as needed.

He studied the other 3 men's faces. Señor Martinez didn't look as if he cared whether he won or lost. One had an unreadable expression and the other wore a look of glee, which may have been a deception in itself. Time would tell.

None of the men folded and they all put down their hands. Kid won that one, which none of the men looked thrilled about it as there were quite a few silver coins on the table.

"Is there a judge in town?" Kid asked as he swept most of his winnings into the small burlap bag he's brought, keeping only enough out for the next bet.

"Por qué?" Señor Martinez said, lapsing into Spanish at his surprise.

"I have need of his services," Kid answered.

"Is your lucky night all around then. He is due in the next day or two for a case over land lines," Señor Martinez informed him.

He didn't know whether to be relieved or upset that he was coming that soon. He supposed he felt a little of both. "You lived here long?"

"Sí. I been in Tuscon, 10 years."

As the next round began and cards were passed around. Kid continued his line of questioning. "How easy is it to get a divorce around here?"

"You-you don't mean-"

"That's exactly what I mean," Kid interrupted, having lost his patience long before he came into the saloon. "How easy is it?"

"Not impossible," he answered. He looked as if he wanted to ask the reason but had the smarts to realize now was not the time.

Señor Martinez translated their conversation though Kid rather wished he hadn't, but the men might get upset otherwise and think it had something to do with the card game.

One of the men burst into laughter, causing Kid to grit his teeth. He caught the words esposa and buena mujer, but Kid's Spanish was too rusty to make it all out.

Señor Martinez translated into English. "He says you are divorcing the preacher lady. That is rich. Wait until I tell my wife. She has not stopped talking about what a good woman she is."

Kid grabbed the laughing man by the collar and dragged him partway across the table. "What happens between my wife and me is our business. Tell him. And she is a good woman. If I ever hear rumors to the contrary, the person who started it will regret it."

The man nodded vigorously after the translation and Kid let him go.

"But you will hurt her good name just by divorcing her," Señor Martinez said quietly.

He knew it was true, but he didn't see what he could do about it. He was caught between a rock and a hard spot. Doomed if he did and doomed if he didn't.

He saw it from the corner of his eye, a man reaching into his pocket for a gun. His reaction was instantaneous. Situations like this left you no time to think. If you did, you weren't the fastest draw in the west anymore but just a has-been lying in a pine box 6 feet under.

"Muerto," pronounced the man closest to the shot man after feeling for a pulse.

Kid always shot to wing, but an unexpected jerk from his target threw the bullet off course. He felt no satisfaction at the killing. He shook his head sadly. What a waste of life. It was a shame Sister Ruth hadn't gotten to him first to convince him there was a better way.

Nobody seemed to know the dead man. Just a drifter looking to raise a little Cain as he passed through town after town. Kid knew that type all too well. The deceased had clearly hoped to be the man who could say he'd killed Kid Cole, but the consumption had done beat him to the title, Kid thought darkly.

A couple of the men hauled the body out and activities resumed, including his poker game.

If the other players had thought about cheating, they didn't think about it anymore. Their cards shook at witnessing his almost inhuman speed and Kid had no trouble cleaning them out. But he wouldn't have been surprised if they'd thrown the game on purpose to keep from angering him. He didn't really care one way or the other though.

Señor Martinez had been so good to them though and he did feel a little bad about taking his money, but if he could afford to leave a perfectly good oven and little house standing, he wasn't hurting too bad financially.

He called it quits after about half an hour. No use pushing his luck because that was essentially what the card game boiled down to was luck and he hated that he'd left Ruth alone with that man for that long anyway.

sss

Ruth chattered on to the Indian fellow. More so than usual because it was rather unnerving his constant looking at her without speaking. Couldn't be helped she suppose unless she wanted to listen to him chatter on in Apache.

At first, she spoke of light topics like the weather and the fact that Christmas was a mere week away, but her mind kept circling back to the impending divorce and her tongue found its way there too.

"The bad thing is I never saw it coming," she said after telling him of all that had transpired. "How do you fix a broken marriage if the other person doesn't want to fix it?" Her talking out loud may have been pointless, as the hearer didn't understand, but it felt good to talk about it to another person just the same.

"And in less than 9 months, I'll have a sweet little baby that I'll have to be mother and father to. Oh, God will provide for us, I know. I'm not worried so much about that. It just saddens me that Kid's going to miss out on that blessing, that he wants to miss out on that blessing. There's no one in the world I'd rather be the father of my baby believe it or not even knowing he doesn't want me anymore. He could be a good one; I know it. But you just can't make someone be something that they don't want to be, can you? Not a husband or a father. And he doesn't. Won't keep me from praying he has a change of heart though."

She sighed and looked at the Indian still looking at her. Still acting as if he were listening. "Here I am going on about my baby and marital problems and I haven't even introduced myself. Ruth," she said pointing to herself.

He caught on right away and pointed with his chin down to himself. "Nitis."

"That's a nice-sounding name, Nitis. I wonder what it means. My name's from the Bible. A preacher who studied Hebrew told me once that it means friend. Wish I had more of them right now. That's the thing about moving like I do. Lots of acquaintances and few friends. Leastways you seem like a friend. That's something. And I got one friend that's always with me. I reckon I should be talking more to Him about all this."

She realized she hadn't opened her Bible since Kid had delivered the news. This was the first place she should have gone to His Word. So she turned to Proverbs, knowing the passage she wanted to read. The last chapter that spoke of how to be a good wife.

"'Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.'"

She read silently as it expounded on being industrious and a help.

She returned to speaking out loud as she neared the end. "'Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

She closed the Bible again. "Maybe it's because I haven't had a household to run, but he said that wasn't it. I reckon I have been a mite hard to live with at times, but there ain't a human being alive that ain't hard to live with some of the time. You married, Nitis? If you're not, consider yourself blessed. And think carefully before you take a wife."

Kid came in without knocking.

"He woke up," she said.

"I can see that." He threw a bag of money in her lap, heavy with coin.

Why did the money suddenly make her feel cheap? She could smell the cigar smoke on him that had collected on his clothes from the smoker behind him. "You got this gambling."

"Does it matter? I haven't lost any money and that's a tidy little sum there. Enough to buy a house if you wanted to. It's not much on such short notice, but it's something and I'll see if I can't collect some more money before the divorce is official."

A house might be a need. A place she could have the baby. A place where she was sure her child would always have a roof over his or her head if worse became worse because the pittance she received from her ministry varied with the fortunes and generosity of the givers. A house could be handy indeed. "Beggars can't be choosers, I guess."

"Tell me where in the Bible does it say thou shalt not gamble or play poker?" he asked.

"It says plenty about being wise with money and gambling ain't being wise."

"But if you don't let it become an addiction, become unwise about it, there's nothing inherently wrong with, is there?"

She only pursed her lips at him. It wouldn't be kindness in her tongue if she continued this conversation.

"Has he been agreeable?" he asked as he replaced the bullet in his gun from earlier.

Though she knew what that meant. She didn't ask about it. "A perfect gentleman. In fact, he's much pleasanter company than you at the moment. I don't see why we can't untie him. I think he understands we're only trying to help him."

"There's no need. He goes back in the morning."

"What is he some kind of wild animal that can't find his way back home unless you release him where you found him? He's got a kind look about him. I think if we let him go here, he wouldn't cause any trouble for us or the town. If he did want to, certainly he and his people could have done so by now long before we came along."

"You only think that because you're entirely too trusting."

"Maybe so. I trusted when you said until death we do part that you meant it."

"Ruth, I'm too tired to argue," he said, shutting his eyes against her and turning his head.

"Tired of listening to me you mean. Well, have it your way. I'll shut up." Except he sat down on the blankets and pillows she'd laid down for herself while he was away. "What are you doing?"

"Laying down. What's it look like?"

"Next to me?"

"Well, I ain't laying down next to him. There's not a lot of places to lay down in here, in case you ain't noticed, and I'd feel better knowing you're where I can get to you easy if he escapes his bonds during the night."

It made perfect sense, but that didn't mean she had to like it. She laid down, fully dressed because of the third party in the room. "Good night, Nitis," she said.

"Who's Nitis?" Kid asked.

"The Indian."

"How in the world did you find that out?"

"It's called communicating with people."

Kid's communication to that came in the form of a grunt.

"Men," she muttered suddenly hoping she had a girl.

She knew sleep wasn't going to come easily if at all. It was totally quiet after that other than the sound of breathing and she wished for something, anything to break the heavy silence. She heard the sound of an owl from somewhere outside and it seemed as though the hoot carried the same sadness and loneliness she felt.


	15. Chapter 15

Dead, unstaring eyes. That's what Kid saw in his dreams that night. At first, he thought it was the eyes of the fellow he'd shot, but he soon realized it was him, his eyes. But the ghost of the dead man was there, waiting in the back of the church where his body was laid out, waiting on Kid to join him, as were the ghosts of all the others he'd killed. Ruth was there, alive, and dressed in black, but she wasn't weeping. She did look sorry though so terribly sorry for him. "Poor, Kid," she said quietly.

Kid jerked up with a start. He was the first one up. Another day was dawning. Every day seemed numbered lately. He went to the window and looked outside. For what he didn't know unless it was the judge maybe. He just wanted this whole mess over with, so Ruth could get on with her life and he could get on with his death.

He heard Ruth get up and get coffee going, but he didn't turn to look. She brought him over a cup. He took a drink and it was strong and black the way he liked it. He knew Ruth preferred it lighter, but as angry with him as she had to have been, she was still brewing it strong to his taste. He didn't deserve a woman like that. He never had. Maybe that's why he'd been struck with consumption because God knew it too. "I killed a man yesterday."

"I thought you might've had to shoot somebody. I'm sorry for that. I'm sure you didn't have a choice though."

"There's always a choice. Why'd you ever marry a man like me in the first place?" he asked, continuing to stare out the window. A gunfighter had no business being with a spiritual woman like her. He knew that now. His actions last night were bound to reflect on her. He hadn't meant to kill the man, but the others didn't know that and he had no intention of telling them. The fear his name created kept circumstances like that to a minimum though it didn't seem that way at times.

"Cause I love you. Cause you're a good and godly man. Even if you're infuriating too."

He snorted. "Do good and godly men shoot people? But I guess it doesn't matter why you chose to marry me, does it? Not anymore." Love, she had said love. No past tense. He was going to have to work harder at making her mad at him. It'd make it easier on her. "This coffee tastes like mud." He open the window and poured it out. He didn't look at her. He wouldn't be able to stand the pain he knew the action would've caused.

"I'm taking your friend out away from the town and letting him go while it's still dark enough for no one to see too much."

Ruth handed Kid water and food to give to Nitis. "And that's for Nittis, not you."

"No, you'd just as soon I'd starve."

"Well, you'd just dump out anything I fixed you. Why bother? Besides, you'll be right back unless you're planning to split."

"Not without divorce papers, I'm not."

Kid just took his horse this time and put Nitis in front of him and they were off.

"I wonder how many you've killed?" Kid said to Nitis after a bit. "A lot, I bet. I've killed more than I care to count myself. Most of the time for good reasons, but the fact remains, I took lives away. Sometimes I wonder how many times before you become dead inside yourself. Completely desensitized to the killings. "

"Stupid kid," he continued. "About 18, 19 from the looks of him. I wonder what his story was. That's the hard thing not knowing. Couldn't aim low for the tables of people. Aimed for his arm, but he moved. Such a waste of young life. You know we'd been better off, I think, if guns had never been invented. Your people would too, I reckon. Swords and clubs or even arrows give you a little more time to think, a little more control. But I guess its law and order that's really what's needed cause you know the shootings ain't nearly so bad back east because there are better consequences."

About a mile out, he got down and pulled him off. "Don't make this hard," he warned Nitis as he cut his bonds. "I can't stomach another killing right now."

"I may be a fighter, but my fight is not with you."

Kid about dropped his knife. "Where the devil did you learn English?"

"From the white trappers and miners who come to make money and then leave our land. They are friends. The enemy is the Spanish dogs who stole the land from us."

"Why didn't you say something before if you knew English? Why didn't you listen the first time you woke up?"

"Thought you were liars and learn more about person if they think you not understand. Know much about your wife."

Kid didn't like the way he said that. What was it he knew? Whatever it was, he wasn't saying.

"You leave her," Nitis continued. "Not good. Not good for woman to be alone. I decide I watch over her when you gone. Return good for good."

"You think she's going to let you watch over her? You got another thing coming."

"That for her to say not you." He said as he worked at rolling the sleeves and pant legs up on Kid's too big clothes.

Kid climbed back up on Horse and reluctantly let Nitis up on too. They rode back in silence.

Ruth was in the back of the wagon holding up an old piece of fabric, looking at it thoughtfully as if she had something in mind for it. She stashed it away when she saw them. Confusion was on her face.

Kid got down. "You mind waiting inside while I talk to my wife?" he asked Nitis though his tone said he wasn't really requesting permission. Nitis gave him a long, hard look but got down and went inside.

Kid didn't have to fake his anger this time. "You got real cozy with Nitis while I was gone, didn't you?" he asked as he took care of Horse.

Her mouth dropped open. "I did nothing of the sort."

"I don't mean that kind of cozy. I mean what all did you say to him?"

"That's none of your business. Why?"

"Well, whatever you said, he understood every word."

"He knows English?" she asked with a gasp. Then Nitis knew about the baby. She forced herself to calm down. He clearly hadn't said anything to Kid. And so what if he did? Kid wouldn't care. He would just throw more money her way.

"Now he thinks he's going to be your protector."

"Really? Aww, that's so sweet."

That made Kid's face flame in further anger. "Sweet nothing. You need to send him packing."

"Maybe I don't want to send him packing," she retorted.

Kid was about to respond, but Señor Martinez had walked up on that last little bit.

Ruth looked a little embarrassed to be caught in the middle of a heated argument. "What a pleasure to see you, brother. Is there something we can do for you?"

"I been thinking about your problem."

"You told Señor Martinez?" she asked Kid. She was too angry to care if he saw them arguing now or not.

"I had to know when the judge was coming," Kid said defensively. "He'll be here in the next day or two by the way."

"So kind of you to tell me," she said, full of sarcasm.

"You have no kids, true?" Señor Martinez intervened quickly before the argument got out of hand.

"Yeah," Kid agreed. Ruth made no comment.

"I was just thinking of a case where the wife had not given the man children after years of trying and he ask for divorce because he wanted heirs. And he won. Less messy, less shame. Easy to prove."

"Wait a minute, what do you mean easy to prove?" Ruth asked.

"A doctor looks at your womb. Determines you unfit. That's all," Señor Martinez said.

"That's not all. No man's going to look at my womb or anything else."

"Well, I believe they would take the word of a midwife. I think that is what they did come to think of it," Señor Martinez. "There was no Señor Via then."

"No," Ruth said, "you two can just think of another way."

"Ruth, this is a fast way out," Kid argued. "Why won't you just let a midwife look at you?"

She scoffed in disbelief. "Because I won't. You want a divorce? Fine. But I'm not going to be poked and prodded at like some kind of cattle to do it. If you want them poking and prodding on you, you go right on ahead, but leave me out of it."

She ran to the house. Hot tears stung her eyes. She'd forgotten Nitis was in there until she went inside. She turned to face the wall to wipe them away.

"Nitis also mean friend," he told her softly.

She chuckled at the ironic coincidence, but maybe it was a sign from God that He had given her a friend though he came in an unlikely package. "That's something, ain't it? I'd be proud to call you friend. Lord knows I need one right now."


	16. Chapter 16

"So you heard everything, huh?" Ruth asked Nitis.

"Most of it. You talk a lot," he didn't say it condemningly as Kid had been doing lately but as if it simply amused him.

"Well, I normally don't ramble on that much or reveal that much of my private life. I reckon that'll teach me to make assumptions about people, won't it? Listen, about the baby."

"You want not for your husband to know," he said one step ahead of her.

"It's not what I want," she said, looking to the window where she could see Kid still talking to Señor Martinez oustide, no doubt discussing other divorce options. "It's what he wants." She looked back at Nitis. "Do you have a wife and children?"

"No children. Wife die some time ago. She gather brush for new house. Man find her, kill her. Take only scalp."

Ruth was horrified. "But a woman's scalp? He wouldn't get money for that, would he?"

"I think the Spanish care not as long as Apache dead. Maybe pay less if know but who know? Man and woman hair same."

"I'm so, so sorry. That is just so awful and terrible."

"Not as sorry as he is. I find him next day. I take his scalp before he get money."

Ruth couldn't agree with the act of vengeance, vengeance belonged to the Lord, but she did understand, especially when it was the only justice the man would've found this side of heaven, leaving him free to take more innocent lives.

"You not safe to be alone like wife was and young one need help too. I stay with you. Pay you for you taking care of me."

It would be hard to be alone. If it was just herself to worry about, she wouldn't mind so much, but she had another life to consider. Maybe it would be nice to have some added protection and help along as she continued with her revivals. After all, hadn't the missionaries in the New Testament often gone out in pairs. "I need time to pray about it."

He seemed to respect that.

"What happened to you when we found you?" she asked.

"I not see person."

"Well, at least you're safe now."

"You safe-"

He stopped talking when Kid came through the door and Kid didn't look pleased that they were having some sort of private discussion.

Nitis changed the line of conversation. "You eat?" he asked Ruth.

Had she ate? Everything blurred together lately. She had to think about it. She'd tried but then a wave of nausea had hit her. She was a little hungry now, but she didn't want to put him to any trouble. "I'll get something together for lunch here in a little bit."

"I get you good fruit. Good for woman."

He didn't say the rest with Kid there, but he meant good for a woman in her condition. She had to admit it was nice to have somebody fussing over her and the unborn baby. The way she thought Kid would have at one time.

"He likes you," Kid grumbled when Nitis was gone.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Did you tell him no when he asked to watch over you? I assume he asked."

"No, I might like a bit of company. I told him I needed time to think and pray about it."

She was bluffing, trying to make him jealous; she had to be. It was true Ruth saw only 2 kinds of people: those that were saved and those that needed to be, but most folks wouldn't give her the time of day if she had an Indian as a companion and a male one at that no matter how she saw Nitis. "He could still be untrustworthy, especially alone."

"Could be, but I don't think he is. He seems like a kind man to me. There are good and bad people everywhere and I think we've only heard half story regarding the Apache. Anyhow, he's got no complaint against us. And his name means friend. That's got to mean something cause I think they take great store by their names."

"Well, we'll see about that. You know I don't know if I like him roaming around in broad daylight, but I guess if anyone knows how to remain unseen it's an Indian. You don't think he'd go after anybody in town? He don't like the Spanish."

"One man against a whole town? I really doubt it and he seems like he's truly grateful for the help we gave him. He wouldn't repay us by going after the townspeople."

He trusted her judgment. "I've got to talk to you about the divorce. Are you sure you won't see a midwife?"

"Positive."

"I would've thought you would've wanted to take the honest way out, but I guess if you're going to be difficult that means it's back to adultery and they'll want proof of that too or anybody could get one."

"Well, go out and have an affair then," she said sarcastically.

"That's not what I mean. There might need to be some witnesses. Señor Martinez said he knows of some people."

"How about divorce on the basis of insanity? Do they grant those? I'll gladly testify that you're crazy."

"Cute."

"I'm not being cute. Do you hear yourself? This whole thing is crazy. Plumb crazy."

"Well, it might ease your mind to know it'll be private. The townspeople won't be able to sit in on it."

"That'll hardly keep it private. Not a scandal of this magnitude."

"And you'll have to sue if we're going the adultery route. You'll need to write up an informal piece on why you're suing for divorce."

"And this just keeps on getting better and better," she said, throwing her hands up in the air. She shook her head. "You're asking me to lie too. You know that, right?"

"I really don't see that we have a choice. Do you need help writing it?" He offered the last part a little more softly.

"No, I can think of plenty I want to say, thank you. Might as well try out the oven I worked so hard to clean or do I need to do it now?"

"Well, the judge ain't here yet, but the sooner the better."

"After lunch then." As she picked up the wood, only half paying attention to what she was doing because she was simmering from all the information he'd just fed her, she got a splinter in her finger. If she was a curser, now would've been the time and it did feel tempting because it was just one more thing not going right in her life, but she bit her tongue. She got one of her sewing needles. It was tricky using her left hand to dig it out since it was in her right ring finger and she wasn't having much success.

"Here, let me do it," Kid said. "In the daylight where I can see it good."

They both went over to the door and he cut in front of her instead of holding the door open for her. He'd lost his manners too apparently and that hurt because he would've given even a strange lady that much consideration.

But he did get the splinter out quickly and without much pain.

"Sore?" he asked.

She nodded crossly.

He brought her hand up higher blew on it and the warm air made her shut her eyes in want and then she felt as his lips touched the tender spot.

She shouldn't have let him do it probably, but it felt so nice. This was the husband she knew: compassionate, gentle. The stranger that was ready to bite her head off without any provocation was gone.

He turned her hand over and his lips grazed her knuckles and then the back of her hand.

They didn't even notice Señor Martinez come up. "Uh, the judge is here," he said, looking and sounding unsure of whether they wanted to know or not.

His statement was like a bucket of ice cold water though. Kid took a step back and Ruth pulled her hand away.

"Good," they both said at the same time.


	17. Chapter 17

"Father Eduardo is staying at the church," Señor Martinez further informed them.

"Thank you for letting us know," Kid said.

"I was thinking too you want a annulment not divorce. A divorce will allow you only to lawfully live apart. A annulment will allow you to do whatever you please."

"But we both meant to get married," Ruth said. "How is annulment a choice and we're not even Catholic, so how is that going to work?"

"Señor Cole told me you were married by the Catholic church in California. I do not see why the same laws would not count for you. And there are other reasons for annulments such as if someone never mean to be faithful or have children. That is a serious crime and makes the marriage not count."

Ruth was unsure, but Kid wasn't. "Sounds like annulment is the way to go then," he said.

Ruth turned away to hide her hurt. To want to end their marriage was one thing, but to act as if they'd never even been married in the first place was another. Was he trying to stomp on her heart? If so, he was doing a very good job of it.

Kid retrieved her lap desk from the wagon after Señor Martinez left. "Better get it over and done with after all."

"I reckon so," she said, taking it from him. She tried to sound as neutral and blasé about the whole thing as he sounded, but there was an angry edge to her voice all the same. "You sure you don't want to tell me the real reason we're getting a divorce before I commit a boldface lie to paper."

"I've told you the truth, it's just not good enough for the court, and nagging me about this is only convincing me I'm doing the right thing."

She pursed her lips in anger which oddly enough attracted him. And was it just his imagination or did her bust seem a little fuller. Definitely his imagination, he told himself, the sign of a man who was missing his wife's company.

Ruth took out her pen and ink and a beige sheet of paper. She felt a headache coming on. There was just something about putting it into ink that made it so final, so real.

She shut her eyes for a moment. She was incredibly tired, and to top it off, her chest hurt. It probably hadn't helped that she'd slept in her corset. She'd have to see what she could do about sleeping arrangements tonight that would allow her to sleep more comfortably.

She felt his eyes on her even with her eyes shut like he was boring a hole into her. "You know it's really hard to concentrate when you're staring at me like that."

He flushed as he realized he was staring at her. He felt immensely guilty for kissing her the way he had; he'd only meant to soothe her pain and he'd gotten carried away. If Señor Martinez hadn't interrupted when he did, his lips would have been on hers next and what kind of message would that've sent her. It was better he leave her to it even though he wanted to spend all the time he could with her. "I'm just wondering what you're going to write is all."

"I'm thinking about it carefully. A letter with intent to sue isn't something I write up everyday," she said with a frown.

"Well, I'll give you some space to think about, but hurry it up. I'd like to get a divorce while I'm still young enough to enjoy it."

Ruth wondered how well the pen could sail through the air because she would've liked to lob it right at his head. She gripped it tight until he made it outside.

She still couldn't believe she was doing this. That it had come to this. But what else could she do but press on and hope that the situation worked out and with God she knew it would just maybe not the way she wanted it to.

Her eyes went back to the blank page. She had to word it so that she was telling the truth but it still accomplished its purpose. Maybe she should've just had Kid write it for her.

She dipped her steel nib into the bottle of black ink and began to write furiously, the sound of pen scratching on paper filling the room. Penmanship had been one of her best subjects after Bible, but the messy, blotted letters before her would never have indicated that to the casual observer, which spoke of the depth of her emotional state.

She was more exhausted than ever afterwards. "Lord, I am so angry with that man. I love him, but I'm angry with him. I've tried talking to him, but how long do I give somebody who's treating me this way? Saying all them things. I want to know my sin. I want to repent and make it up to him. Show me, God, what I've done." She paused to take a breath. "Our marriage is in Your hands now because I don't know what else I can do."

sss

Kid whittled a stick down to nothing as he leaned against the wagon. That's how he was feeling like he was being whittled away. He was losing a part of himself by losing Ruth and the sickness was going to take the rest of him..

Nitis made it back with his fruit.

"No trouble being seen?" Kid asked.

"No and from far like this in this clothes, who know who I am?" He pointed himself towards the door.

"She's writing right now to start the divorce. She don't want to be disturbed."

"My people we send wife back to father. Done with. None of these talking leaves. The Spanish need have everything on these talking leaves," he said as if it was just one more proof that the Spanish were crazy.

"Yeah, well, it'd be a little hard for me to send her back to her father. He's too far away and she wouldn't stay there anyway." He switched topics to the one weighing down on his mind. "How long you planning on looking out for her?"

"As long as she need me."

"Hmm," Kid grunted and threw the toothpick of a stick to the ground.

"Our chief get himself pretty, young wife, one of 4 wives. Every man want her, to look at her. So he chop off her nose. Make her not so pretty."

The violent story didn't buoy Kid's confidence in this man being alone with Ruth. "Is there a purpose to telling me this? I'm not going to hurt her if that's what you're afraid of."

"Other men will want your wife when you done. You need make peace with it."

"I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I?" he said more bitterly than he intended, showing Nitis he wasn't happy about it.

"You like her so much why divorce?" Probably what Señor Martinez had been thinking after witnessing the kiss to the hand, but only Nitis had been brave enough to ask it.

"Because sometimes the best thing ain't what we want. It's what we have to do. And life just plain ain't fair."

Nitis could agree with that.

Ruth eventually poked her head out and then shoved the paper in Kid's hands as he came back into the cabin.

_When I met Kid Cole he had many lady friends and I even became acquainted with one of his dance hall girls at that time, but he told me that he intended to be faithful once we were married, which was something I was not sure he could pull off. Against my better judgment, I married him anyway. It has become apparent to me that the lady friends did not stop and that he does not and never did take his vows seriously. In fact, he boldly met up with another girl of long association once in St. Louis and didn't even try to hide it from me. And it has come to my attention that he has not been behaving in a manner befitting a husband here in Tucson. In light of these facts, I would like to sue for an annulment, since he never intended to stay true and in hopes that his unchristian behavior will not destroy my ministry. God bless, Sister Ruth McKenzie Cole. _

"You're a very clever woman," Kid said, "not an outright lie in here, but it cries adultery all the same. Good touch with the way you ended it too. A father will eat that up."

"I'm glad it meets with your approval," she said cuttingly.

She softened as Nitis handed her the red orange berries he'd gathered and she tried one right away. They were acidic and mealy, but it was nice to have something fresh during the winter months.

"Not good eat many but little good," he said, explaining why it was only a handful.

"Thank you, Nitis. That was a nice thing to do."

"I'll see that the note's delivered to the church," Kid said.

Ruth didn't remark one way or the other and Kid left. After she ate the berries, she restarted preparations for lunch though it was the last thing she felt like doing. She had all the ingredients for baked beans. Beans were a steady part of Kid and Ruth's diet, but it was a different way to have it than they usually did. She'd had them soaking overnight. And once she got the ingredients all mixed together, it needed only to bake in the oven.

Lunch was a silent affair. Kid sat one side of her on the bench and Nitis on the other.

A knock to the door interrupted the discomfort. The little Mexican boy Kid had gotten to deliver the message had a return letter. He quickly scampered off and Kid opened it to find a letter of rejection.

"At any rate, that's that, I reckon," Ruth said after she'd read over it. "I know you'll want Horse. I'll go see about getting me a horse to replace him."

"I want you to have Horse."

"But-" she began, getting ready to ask him how he was going to get around without a horse.

"No buts. And Señor Martinez told me they usually reject the first one unless it's a safety issue. You just need to pen another letter. Make it a little more urgent than the last one and it'll happen."

She didn't know whether to be happy that there was more time for him to change his mind or upset that the current agony they were going through was more than likely just being prolonged. She sure wasn't looking forward to writing another letter.


	18. Chapter 18

This divorce/annulment process was made to be tough and it was only going to get tougher, so people wouldn't do it at the drop of a hat. Ruth appreciated that in theory, but when there was little to no hope, it only made the experience worse.

She got started on the second letter right away. She basically wrote the same letter only added a little more detail, and as Kid had advised, made the situation sound a little more urgent. She still felt like a liar. Kid hadn't cheated on her, she knew. He just didn't want her anymore, but that wasn't an acceptable reason for a divorce and certainly not for an annulment.

"Here," she said to Kid when she'd finished, "though I don't think it's meant for a person to send a second letter in the same day and I still don't like all this lying and deceit."

Kid went to find the delivery boy again and Ruth got her knitting out. A baby blanket was nondescript enough that she could work on it without raising Kid's suspicion. Not that Kid even asked about it when he got back. He just got down to working on a new leather belt he was making for himself. Nitis took a nap, still a little worn from his head injury.

An hour or two later, Kid spotted movement out the window. "They must have accepted this one. Señor Martinez and some other fellow are making their way here."

Nitis had woken up, Ruth saw. "No use having to explain why we got an Indian on top of all the other things we have to explain. No offense, Nitis."

But Nitis didn't look offended and let her cover him up with the quilts and blankets.

"Isn't that lying, deceiving?" Kid asked wryly.

"In a way, I guess, but didn't Rahab hide the spies? Some situations call for it."

Kid got the door just as Señor Martinez had raised his fist to knock on it.

"This is the notary, Señor Nieves," Señor Martinez introduced. "And I act as the court interpreter."

The notary wasted no time but rattled something off in Spanish.

"He says you, Señor Cole, must change your bad behavior right away or you will be excommunicated."

Señor Martinez explained back without them having to ask that they were both not Catholic and the threat therefore not very threatening.

Señor Nieves looked a little disappointed at this revelation, but there was more rapid-fire Spanish.

"You will receive some other punishment then like time in jail."

"It's a grave sin, I know, but punishable with jail time?" Ruth asked worriedly. "Does that happen often? Because I just want an annulment, not to see him locked up."

"Not very often, but it is against the law, adultery. He would not like me to tell you this but the punishments are mostly words. Very little carried out theses day." Then he switched to Spanish and translated the gist of what was said.

Señor Nieves handed Kid papers and Señor Martinez translated. "Your wife has filed a suit against you for annulment. You wish to stay married to your wife?"

Kid looked at Ruth only briefly before answering. "No. Everything she says is true. I think it would be best if this marriage had never happened in the first place. I won't fight it."

"How do you feel, Señora Cole? If he were to apologize and promise to remain faithful from here on out, would you take him back?"

"No," she answered right away. The first lie to cross her lips in this process but not the last she was sure.

More Spanish from the notary.

"When is the last time you had marital relations? Have you ever had marital relations?" Señor Martinez looked embarrassed to be asking. "You see if you never consummated the marriage, things might move faster. It must be asked."

"A few months ago," Kid answered.

Ruth gasped. It was more like a week ago. She knew it was to make them think this wasn't a sudden lover's quarrel that could be fixed, but this conversation was being recorded, taken note of. If her pregnancy came to light before this was over, what would that mean concerning the case? Would she be the one ending up getting jail time for perceived adultery or Kid for lying to the notary in the first place? She was beginning to wish she'd told him about the baby, but it wouldn't do any good now. They had to stick with the lie or the whole thing was going to quickly loose credence.

More Spanish.

"Knowing that there is risk of jail time for your husband and knowing that the case will cost money even if annulment is not granted, do you still wish for the annulment?"

She didn't wish for anything but to go back to the way things were before 3 days ago. "Yes," Ruth answered. "I do."

"You must separate during the case. I-" began Señor Martinez.

Kid and Ruth looked at each other with wide eyes. There was an underlying sense of panic in their expressions. They hadn't been expecting that. How were they going to make sure their stories correlated?

"Separate? You mean we can't see each other at all?" Ruth asked.

"No. That is unless, of course, you decide to stay married after all."

"Well, but separate. Where would we separate to?" Ruth asked.

"The wife must have a chaperone. I-" Señor Martinez began again.

"A chaperone?" Ruth interrupted once again. She knew she was being rude, but no one had told her any of this. She hadn't had a chaperone since before she left home and then it was only her older sister, not some frowning matron watching her every move. She was the one suing, so why did she need a chaperone? She wasn't the untrustworthy one in this situation.

"It is to maintain your honor," Señor Martinez explained, seeing her distress. "Not a punishment. I have seen to it you will stay at my house. My wife is a much respected woman. She is good and good with English as I am. Maybe more so. You will like her, I know."

"I'm sure I will, but is this truly necessary?"

"I am afraid so. You can have some time to get your things together. We'll wait for you outside." Señor Martinez switched back to Spanish, no doubt relating all that had been said since he'd last translated, as he and the notary walked out.

Kid and Ruth stared at each other for a bit unsure of what to say or do. They hadn't expected to say goodbye so soon.

Ruth spoke first. "Well, then I guess this is pretty much it unless you call seeing each other in court spending time together cause I don't. I reckon we'll see each other after it's settled though just to divide everything. I hope your witnesses are good cause I won't know a thing about their stories. But then I guess Señor Martinez will keep me informed about that."

Kid looked as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't and Ruth didn't have the patience to wait until he did.

She looked around. There wasn't much she'd brought inside. Most of it was in the wagon and there weren't many items she would need as a guest in someone's home just a few personal things. She really only needed her Bible and the bag of knitting things.

"Oh," she said, reaching into the bag and pulling out fingerless gloves that she'd knitted in Kid's favorite color, black. "This was going to be your Christmas present, but you might as well have it now."

He'd been complaining lately how he had to take his mittens off to do some of the more intricate work when it was freezing. He tried to get out a thank you, but the words would have seemed too cold when last Christmas an exchange of presents would have ended with an I love you.

His hand brushed with hers as he took the gloves from her. "These'll come in handy," he said and the words sounded more like a squeak than his usual deep voice, at least to his own ears.

Ruth hadn't forgotten about Nitis in the corner, who'd uncovered himself at the departure of the men. "If you're determined to come along, meet up with me when this is all over. I'd appreciate the company and help. You know much about God, Nitis?"

"I know little. Hear little from white men. I like to know more of what in talking leaves," he said. referring to her Bible.

Ruth smiled, a little ashamed she hadn't asked sooner. "You will if I can help it," she said, feeling a little like her old self already.

"Are you sure you want to go off with a complete stranger?" Kid asked, not at all comfortable with her choice.

"No. I ain't sure about anything anymore, but I trust this is all happening for a reason. And I really hope this annulment makes you happy." She left on those words.

"Yeah," Kid mumbled. "I'm just going to be a barrel of laughs without you."

sss

The men were waiting on Ruth by the wagon. She gathered a few more items she'd need and then followed them.

She knew the Martinezes had moved to a larger house, but the Martinez home was grand. Señor Martinez must have discovered a gold mine.

Señora Martinez was a handsome woman, tall and svelte with the barest hint of silver at her temples, and she was dressed very fine. No sign of her humble beginnings on either her person or in her manner. She looked stern and yet friendly at once. She was waiting for them and her presence released the men of their duty. The notary left with a quick adiós.

Señor Martinez told something to his wife first before he too left, probably letting her know when he planned to be home.

"Come, Señora Cole. I will show you your room, so you can put your things down."

Señora Martinez spoke as they walked. "I do not like this divorce, annulment business. And yet I have mucho sympathy for you. He was honor bound to remain faithful. In the Old Testament, they would have put him and the woman he slept with to death and you could have been a respectable widow."

Ruth coughed to hide her surprise at the harsh opinion.

If Señora Martinez noticed the unnatural cough, she didn't remark on it only continued to let her opinion be known. "And yet who did Jesus have to save from being stoned? Just the woman. It will be this way with you too. You will bear the shame of this more than your husband no matter who is the guilty one. It is the way of things."

"I reckon that's true," Ruth agreed. "No matter. I won't be staying here long term."

Señora Martinez pushed open a door. "This will be your room."

It was simple yet elegant. The wood of the bed frame was so dark it was almost black with fancy posts. It was striking against the creamy white walls and the colorful quilt added a splash of color to the room. There was a large crucifix fashioned from silver above the bed.

Ruth preferred looking at an empty cross because it was a beautiful reminder that the Lord Jesus had gotten off the cross and conquered death, but seeing Him on it was a reminder to her that He knew the meaning of pain and love beyond human comprehension.

"This could and does drag out for months." Señora Martinez said, interrupting her thoughts.

Ruth hadn't been listening to all that she had been saying, but she heard that. Months? She didn't have months. She would begin to show in less than two. It wasn't going to be a secret anymore to anybody if it dragged out for months.

"We will get to know each other quite well in that time, I imagine," Señora Martinez said.

"Better than you think," Ruth said dryly.

"I expect you'll want some time to yourself. Dinner is served promptly at 9:00."

Alone, Ruth turned to Jeremiah. Not the most cheerful book in the Bible, but it matched her mood.

_"I said thou shalt call me, my Father; and shalt not turn away from Me. Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with Me."_

God did personally understand and know the pain that came from a loved one, a spouse, who you thought would stay with you forever suddenly calling it quits, which was both awe-inspiring and comforting to her. Still, tears began to fall from her eyes because she missed Kid already.


	19. Chapter 19

On the bright side, the privacy of having her own room allowed Ruth to begin to work on baby things like socks and caps and gowns. In the meantime though, she still had work to do on the blanket and she should get to know her host.

When her tears had dried up and she'd made herself presentable again, she found Señora Martinez sewing by the fire in the main room.

"Mind if I join you?" Ruth asked, holding up her own bag of knitting supplies. "I got some things to work on."

"Not at all, but I thought a religious person such as yourself would spend her time reading the Bible and in prayer."

"Well, I was doing some of that too," she said, patting the Bible she'd brought out. "But things don't make themselves. Work's got to be done. That's in the Bible too."

"I suppose it is."

"You and your husband were very kind to let us stay in your old home," she said as she got situated in the chair opposite Señora Martinez's. "And kind to open your home to me now."

She shrugged. "No big thing. It just sits there unused. And it isn't the first time I've helped my husband with his work."

"And he translated for me at the revival. That was nice too."

"So he said. I didn't make it because I was sick."

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Could be I'll get another one together before I'm on my way again."

Señora Martinez looked doubtful. "Señora Cole-" she began.

"Please, just call me, Sister Ruth."

"Very well, Sister Ruth. I could understand why your married name would cause you pain right now. Would I be thoughtless in reminding you that you could drop the case anytime you wish? It is better to put up with the weaknesses of one's husband than not. Families are the center of a woman's life after all, no?"

"It's more complicated than that. I really couldn't drop it."

Señora Martinez let it drop. They worked in silence for awhile until they heard a mewing outside the window.

"One of our pet cats," Señora Martinez explained. "She was the runt of the litter as a kitten and her mother rejected her. I kept her alive feeding her on goat's milk and keeping her warm by the stove and she thinks she belongs in the house now. She doesn't. She would shred the furniture to pieces."

Ruth was crying actual tears over what she'd just shared. At the thought of a mother rejecting an imperfect baby and the kindhearted action Señora Martinez had taken. It was a silly thing to cry over. She knew that with her head, but she couldn't control the overreaction. She hoped it wasn't going to be this way the whole pregnancy.

"I am sorry to upset you. Surely you knew animals sometimes do this. It is just the way nature works. The way God works, I suppose."

"No, I know. It's just with everything happening lately, I reckon. I really thought I was out of tears, but I guess not."

Señora Martinez accepted the explanation for her tears and Ruth continued to knit and Señora Martinez to sew.

"I think I could use a walk," Ruth said at last. She was making progress on the blanket slowly but surely. She'd gotten the second square done, 5 inches across and down. She just wasn't the knitting type, at least not the sit-and-knit-for-long-periods-of-time kind of knitter. She could knit pretty fast, but her inability to sit still for a long time handicapped her.

"If you must," Señora Martinez said, putting down her own things and standing up.

"You mean I can't even take a walk by myself?"

"Not if I intend on being a good chaperone and I do."

They might as well have made her a prisoner, Ruth thought. At least, she was allowed to feel the sunshine. She smiled, determining to make the best of it. "Well, I'll be glad for the company. It'll keep me from getting too down."

They took a walk through town and Ruth received a lot of looks, which wasn't so unusual. When you were known for faith healing and your husband known for being the fastest draw in the west, you got used to being looked at, but these looks were more unkind than that. And they didn't even know the half of it.

It was as she'd told Kid, keeping the annulment a secret was a joke, whether people were allowed to sit in on the proceedings or not. And as Señora Martinez had predicted, she was the one taking the brunt of the blame if those telling looks were to be believed.

"I'm ready to go back," Ruth said before they'd walked very far.

Señora Martinez looked sympathetic. "Of course."

Inside again, Ruth had the urge to throw the covers over her head and call it a day, but she had to eat for the baby's sake. "I'm used to eating earlier. Would you care over much if I had me a bite to eat and turned in early?"

"I imagine you have had a trying day. Come to the kitchen. Our cook is a young girl that lives here in town. She is not here yet, but I will find you something. I am sure there must be leftovers stored somewhere. I told my husband that we really need to consider having a cook live in. It makes it not convenient when you want to eat in between meals."

"Oh, don't go to any trouble on my account. I could wake up in time for dinner if need be."

"No, I insist," she said, her tone saying she really wouldn't take no for an answer.

Ruth followed her to the kitchen. She had a very nice stove. It was no wonder she'd left the box stove.

"Ah, yes, some arroz from lunch and bread," Señora Martinez said, pulling said items out. "Fortunately, Isabella always makes too much. She's used to fixing for a large family."

Ruth had gotten through lunch with no trouble, but she could tell from the way her stomach was revolting at the smell of the chicken broth the rice had obviously been cooked in that there was going to be trouble, but it would be rude not to eat. She spooned the rice onto the bread and took a bite with Señora Martinez watching.

It turned out to be a mistake to ignore the smell even for the sake of politeness. Fortunately, the kitchen door wasn't very far away and she ran outside to empty the contents of her stomach.

Her chaperone was on her heels. When she straightened back up, Señora Martinez felt her forehead with the back of her hand for fever and found the skin cool to the touch. "You're expecting," she concluded in a matter of fact tone.

A pregnancy was turning out to be harder to hide than Ruth had thought. It seemed all of Tucson was going to find out the joyous news before she left.

sss

Kid had on the gloves Ruth had knitted for him. It was as close as he could come to touching her. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that it was her loving hands covering his.

He'd known this day was coming, maybe not so soon, but he'd known he was going to have to separate from her for her own good at some point. But that still hadn't prepared him for the loss and emptiness he felt at her absence.

Nitis looked amused and Kid quickly took them off. "I was just seeing if they fit. It'd be about like her to get it wrong."

Nitis said nothing only gave him a knowing smirk.

Kid was upset and that almost always manifested itself by giving him a short fuse. "You know how did I end up sharing a house with you anyway? You're Ruth's project, not mine."

"You tell your wife leave. I not able follow now. Must wait," Nitis answered in his stilted English as serious and somber as it was possible to be as if Kid really didn't realize how this situation had occurred.

He and Nitis had mostly avoided other since Ruth left. Kid had continued to work on his belt while Nitis had played a wooden flute until the simple melody he kept playing over and over felt engrained into his head. Nitis stopped only to eat the food that Kid had scrounged up, which meant more crackers and preserves and the leftover beans from lunch. Kid had seen the flute attached to his waist when they found him, but he hadn't taken it. Now he wished he had. A knock put a stop to the playing.

"Who is it this time of day? The sun's long set." Kid asked more to himself than Nitis. He secretly hoped it was Ruth, but of course, it wasn't. It was Señor Martinez. "Yeah?"

"You should be at the saloon."

"I should?" he asked with a contrary, defiant look.

"I mean, please, Señor Cole. If you want to build a good case, it is wise."

"When will all the court stuff begin?"

"Tomorrow. He saw the other case this afternoon and is already finished. He has other towns to go to. He will move as quickly as he can."

"Good. How's Sister Ruth?"

"For a man who so wants this, you do not act like a man ready to leave your wife."

"Can't a man care about what happens to a woman without being deeply in love with her? So how is she?"

"Resting when I went home for dinner. But my wife says she is very agreeable and not likely to be any trouble."

"No, she won't be any trouble. She can be downright charming when she's not being mulish."

"So you coming?"

Kid looked back. Nitis had hidden himself. He wouldn't mind getting away from the man's music and disagreeable looks for awhile. "Fine. Let's go."

Kid grabbed his coat and his gloves. The desert was a cold place at night. He could almost hear Nitis' smirking from his hidden spot. Outside Kid asked, "What is it exactly that you have in mind? Is this Father Eduardo at the saloon or something?"

"No. You'll just sit. Allow yourself to be seen with another woman. Let her sit on your lap. Kiss her a little bit. Think how many witnesses that will create."

He would be embarrassing Sister Ruth with such an action, not to mention himself, but if it would speed up the case, wasn't it worth it? No, Kid decided, he wasn't going to blacken his own soul even just a little bit to get this annulment. "That would be too much like cheating."

"You are very noble, Señor Cole. I guess you could only be seen going up to her room with her. It does not take much to make people talk. She will be one of the witnesses testifying. Her name is Lolita. She does not speak English, but I have explained to her that it is for show. She is smart enough that she will understand the change I am sure."

"Lolita," he repeated. "I can remember that. You'll have to point her out to me."

"You never did tell me why you and Señora Cole no longer wish to be married."

"That's cause it ain't any of your business." He realized he was being harsh towards the man going to such great lengths to help them and he adjusted his tone. "Listen, I appreciate everything you're doing. It's just some folks just ain't cut out for marriage. It's as simple as that. I'm one of them."

The saloon got kind of quiet when Kid entered. It almost always did as if they were afraid he would suddenly whip out his gun and blast them all.

One man wasn't in awe of him though. Mr. Via glared at him from where he was drinking at the bar. He got up and came over to him. "Men like you make me sick."

What was that supposed to mean, Kid wondered. Men who cheated on their wife? He didn't blame him for saying so as he felt the same way.

"You can bet if I'm called to testify, I will. You're trying to get out of paying her alimony, aren't you?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I've given her money to live on. It's got nothing to do with that."

"You still make me sick," he said, leaving the saloon on those words.

"That is the mujer," Señora Martinez said in a whisper. "In the purple dress."

The girl was nice to look at. Why she'd resorted to this lifestyle in a land where men outnumbered the women, he didn't know.

He went up to her. "You and I have a date."

She smiled in recognition.

He paid for her time to the grinning saloon owner. She understood what the exchange of money meant. He hated that his money was going in support of a vile practice, but it couldn't be helped.

They ascended the stairs together and she took him to her room. Door closed, she started to remove her dress. When he tried to move back, she grabbed a hold of the sleeve to his coat. Something had gotten lost in the lines of communication. Likely she thought he had decided he really wanted her company after all.

Since explaining was out of the question, he ran and escaped like Joseph, leaving his coat in her hands. He made the window his exit, so as not to undo the work done. Fortunately the small window was above the canopy roof. He only had to let go of the window sill and solid footing was just a few inches below his feet.

Hanging out of a window in the cold air without his coat likely wasn't going to do his consumption any good. Yep, he thought with his backside facing Tucson, he was real noble alright.


	20. Chapter 20

Ruth had been unsure at first about whether it was a good thing or not that Señora Martinez had found out, but now she was glad. A pregnancy shouldn't be a thing she had to hide.

She had explained to Señora Martinez why she hadn't told Kid and she had agreed with her that if it wasn't going to change anything that there was no point in his knowing. She made it clear though that if she had been in Ruth's shoes, she would have told him just in the hopes that he'd feel more guilty about his affairs. Ruth wished she could confide in her about that too, but she had a feeling she was too traditional-minded to be as understanding about that.

"Did you enjoy breakfast, Señora Cole?" Señor Martinez asked the following morning. He asked because she had nibbled at it very slowly and was still only halfway the plate.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I've offended you," Ruth apologized right away. "I'm just nervous about today. Your cook is a very good cook."

"Understandable. I have some things to see to in town, ladies. I will see you this afternoon, Señora Cole."

Ruth politely nodded and pushed her plate away as soon as Señor Martinez was gone.

She followed Señora Martinez to the main room where they picked up on their sewing and knitting.

"You are aware that an annulment will make your baby illegitimate, are you not?" Señora Martinez asked. "Have you thought of how such a child can't inherit property?"

"I have and Kid has nothing to inherit. Neither do I for that matter. He or she will do okay. God will see to that and I'll do my part too."

"Do you have family to help you?"

"I do, but I can raise this baby without going back home. Not as matter of pride you understand, but I believe this is where I'm supposed to be. The revivals I do are what the Lord would have me do with my life."

"Well, at least you have that option if you find out your revivals are not as successful as they were before."

"There is that possibility, I know. Maybe a divorce was the way to go, for legality's sake where the baby's concerned, but people are going to look down on me either way, annulment or divorce. For awhile anyway."

Señora Martinez shook her head. "A divorce is not a divorce the way you Americanos think of it. You would be free not to live together but not free of the marriage bond. No remarriage or freedom to live independently. You would be a ward of court. You'd have to live where the judge told you to."

"By you, you mean me. Kid could still go wherever he pleased I suppose. Good thing your husband suggested an annulment then. That wouldn't have done at all."

"Are you sure you got enough to eat? Is there anything you want that you have a special hunger for?"

"I wouldn't mind honey, " Ruth admitted, "but it don't mean nothing other than that I got a sweet tooth, so don't go to any trouble."

"No, that is what you shall have because that is what your baby needs," she said with finality. "I will tell Isabella to pick some up for lunch."

Señora Martinez's eyes kept going to the window as if she were looking for somebody to come.

"You expecting someone?" Ruth asked.

Señora Martinez. "Yes, Señor Martinez is sending your lawyer over."

"My lawyer?" Ruth didn't like the idea of using lawyers. "Won't that just make things more complicated and drag the process out?"

"No doubt. That's what they're paid to do, but lawyers are required." There was a knock at the door. "Speak of the devil."

The lawyer was a handsome man in his 40s perfectly groomed with a neat suit. He didn't speak English, so Señora Martinez translated, turning Sister Ruth's words into Spanish and the lawyer's into English.

The lawyer got right down to business. "Has he ever hit you? Threatened to use his gun on you?"

"Of course not," Ruth answered. "He can have a temper sometimes, I reckon. I can too, but there was never any violence between us."

"Then he has hurt you with his words. Has he called you a whore or other lewd names perhaps?"

"No, nothing stronger than a bossy woman."

Señora Martinez looked like she wanted to laugh as she translated that to the lawyer.

"Now to the main charge, adultery. You said in your letter that this has been going on the whole length of your marriage and that he never intended to honor you?"

"That's right."

"You have proof of this?"

"Proof? No. Just my word and his. We travel too much to have any witnesses that can testify to any of the other times. It's my understanding though that you will find witnesses in Tuscon's saloon."

The lawyer nodded, indicating he'd already known and taken care of that part. He was clearly fishing for more to accuse him of however. "Has he ever said anything against God while you were married?"

"No, he's been a Christian all our married life. He wasn't when I first met him, but I've seen his faith grow in leaps and bounds. I would never call that into question."

"Has he ever said anything that would make you think his faith was a ruse to get you to marry him? It would really help your case if that were so."

"No. I think sometimes he still doubts the power of prayer just because he's such a self-reliant person. He sometimes asks how I know God's listening or tells me to tell God something like he can't, but we're all at different stages in our faith. I don't think I'd consider that a lack of reverence for our Creator. Despite our falling out, I'm quite sure his relationship with God is real and solid."

"That will be enough though that I think that we can add blasphemy to the charges, which will look especially good considering the work you're in. Divorce would have been easier to obtain. You may not like it, but for your best chance, we need to come up with all the charges we can. Anything else I should know?"

Señora Martinez looked at Ruth pointedly. "He is your lawyer. It is best he know everything from the start including the delicate situation you're in."

Ruth agreed with a single, brief nod.

"She is having a baby," Señora Martinez told the lawyer.

The lawyer frowned. "This makes getting an annulment much less likely. When will people be able to tell?"

"Near as I can figure in a month or two."

"I will try to get the proceedings to go as fast as I can make them go. Does your husband know about the baby?"

"No, and I don't believe he wants to know, but regardless of whether he does or he doesn't, I don't think you'll find that he will put up much of a fight in the courtroom. He's not against the annulment."

"You have been most helpful. I need to speak with our witnesses and work on the case, so I will see you at 3:00 this afternoon at the church. That is where it's going to be held."

Ruth nodded. She just didn't feel good about this as she walked with him and Señora Martinez to the door. These half lies he was going to dream up with the information she'd provided just didn't feel like the right thing to do, but if Kid were here, she knew he'd have encouraged her to do and say whatever it took to procure the annulment.

sss

The court convened in the church a little after 3:00.

In addition to her lawyer and Kid's, there were two other lawyers. One had the title Defender of Marriage and the other the title Promoter of Justice, according to Señor Martinez. The Defender of Marriage's job was to provide detailed knowledge of marital regulation and weigh in on any complex questions that arose; he represented the Catholic view of marriage, whether or not that view worked for or against the couple. The Promoter of Justice was a prosecuting attorney and was more concerned about public welfare and interests than the couple or the church and made sure that if there was something wrong, the guilty party was prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Señor Martinez said they were to protect against cases where the couple was in agreement over ending the marriage and the defendant's lawyer did a terrible job defending for that very reason.

There was no jury to give a verdict, which wasn't altogether comforting to Ruth. That meant they had just one person to convince, the judge, and if he was staunchly against annulment and divorce, they were sunk. There was the right to appeal, but that would take too much time. Time she didn't have to spare. There was always going back to doing what she had wanted to do in the first place and just leave if Kid wanted to separate, forgetting what the law said.

The priest wore his clerical robes. His official title was Juez Provisor y Vicario General. He was a man in his senior years. Ruth tried to determine from his face whether he'd be a soft or hard judge, but she couldn't decide.

Ruth was on the right front pew and Kid on the left. Señor Martinez stood in the aisle ready to translate everything that was said because except for Kid and Ruth's testimony, the proceedings would all be in Spanish.

The judge spoke first, "We are here today because a man and his wife are to live in the holy sacrament of marriage together, the wife in holy obedience. Yet, there is some doubt as to whether the marriage of this couple was valid. My job is to listen to both sides and judge whether or not there are sufficient grounds for the annulment."

Her lawyer made the opening statement after the judge. He kept it brief and to the point. "This man, Kid Cole, has committed adultery against my client from the very beginning of their marriage. He has verbally abused my client. And perhaps most shocking of all, he has committed blasphemy against the most high God. Divine law, the highest law, commands that husbands love their wives as Christ loves the Church. It is my intent to show that Kid Cole never has or even intended to stay faithful, making the marriage null and void."

There was one case file that contained the proceedings and documents for the whole case from the first letter she had written to the judge to the words last spoken in the court, and this file had to be passed back and forth between the her, Kid, and judge to make sure they were aware of the proceedings. The Spanish left no stone unturned when it came to documents and making sure everyone involved in the case understood the procedures completely.

Her lawyer called the first witness: Lolita, a saloon girl.

"I swear by the Lord our God to tell the truth," Lolita said. A sign of the cross accompanied the statement.

"Have you heard of this lawsuit?" her lawyer asked.

Lolita affirmed that she had.

"Do you know the man seated on the front left pew, Kid Cole?"

"Yes."

"How long have you known him?"

"A week."

"Can I ask how you met his acquaintance?"

"At the saloon. He has engaged my services on more than one occasion. Last night being the most recent. He had such a good time last night he went off and left his coat though it was very cold."

The answers seemed very coached, but then Ruth imagined most witnesses were coached, whether their testimony was true or not. Lawyers tried to make sure everything played out just right in the courtroom like the directors of a play.

The notary presented Kid's coat. "This is the coat he left this in her room."

Ruth took a deep breath. She had stitched that coat with her own hands. She had to remind herself that it wasn't true, that it was a play. But did it feel any better that he was willing to go to such great lengths to lie just to be rid of her?

She caught Kid's eyes from across the aisle. He looked guilty and apologetic. She didn't respond other than to turn away and focus back in on the testimony. She was angry and she was upset. Looking at him wasn't going to help her to hold it together.

"I said what I know and it is the sworn truth. I am 19," Señor Martinez said, translating Lolita's words. Some official statement they apparently ended with in the Mexican courts.

"If she's 19, then I'm the Queen of England," Ruth muttered.

The notary read back the complete testimony and then asked Lolita to sign, but she couldn't because she didn't know how, which the notary made note of.

There were 2 more witnesses after that. One, a regular saloon customer, who affirmed that he had seen Kid going up to Lolita's room. The other was the saloon owner, who affirmed Kid had paid him for her services. Settling the fact unequivocally that adultery had taken place at least from a legal perspective. She supposed proving the other charges would come later.

The judge said that he was giving the defendant's lawyer time to review all that had been said today and they would reconvene at noon tomorrow where Kid's lawyer would begin the defense.

Ruth was relieved she hadn't been called to testify yet. She knew it couldn't be avoided forever, but it was a nice reprieve. She didn't so much as glance in Kid's direction as she went directly to where Señora Martinez waited to escort her back to the house.


	21. Chapter 21

Ruth had changed into her nightwear. Corset gone and flipping her single braid behind her shoulder, she measured her figure by pulling the waistless white shift taunt against her sides. Not showing yet. At least not so as you could tell.

"We'll be alright," she told her unborn babe. "You'll see."

She turned to the empty bed. "'I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee'," she quoted, reminding herself of God's promise. He was the One who would never disappoint. It was fast becoming her mantra through this.

She pulled back the bed coverings and was about to climb in when she heard a rap on the window. Her heart jumped in her throat and she spun around.

It was probably the last person she wanted to see at the moment, but she opened it anyway. The window was small, but Kid didn't appear to give that sufficient consideration before he began to climb in through the window.

He got about halfway through before he became stuck. His hips couldn't quite squeeze through. He tried to back his way out again, but that wasn't going to work either.

"Great, I'm stuck. This is becoming a bad habit," Kid grumbled.

"You've been stuck in another window?" she asked, cocking her head.

"I've just been using windows for doors too much lately. It's a long story. Will you try to help me through or you going to leave me half hanging out here all night?"

"It's mighty tempting," she said even as she took his hands and began pulling. "I don't know why I'm letting you in here. I think we've done said everything we had to say to each other."

Pulling his hands wasn't budging him an inch. She grabbed his waistband and tugged on that, which worked after a few good tugs. He tumbled onto the floor, causing her to fall on top of him. They stood frozen like that for a moment and then they both scrambled up on their feet.

Kid had been torn over coming here. On the one hand, he didn't want to hurt her by not staying away to give her a chance to get over him, but on the other, he could see that he already had hurt her and if he could lessen her pain in anyway he wanted to. And if he wanted to be honest, her refusal to look at him at the trial had hurt him. "I wanted to make sure you knew that I didn't really do all that was said. I went up to her room, but that was it. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do. We talked about this remember? What we didn't talk about was the real reason you're going to all this trouble."

"Do you ever let anything go?"

"Not when it's important. What's your lawyer going to say about me tomorrow? Should I prepare myself?"

"Why can you never just trust me?" he asked, pretending aggravation. "He's not going to say anything to cast doubt onto your character if that's what concerns you."

"I didn't say that I didn't trust you. Why are you putting words in my mouth?"

He ignored her question. "You are the most exasperating woman I know."

"Well, if I'm so exasperating, why are you here anyway?"

"That's a good question. I'm just a glutton for punishment, I guess."

Her left hand went to her hip and her right hand pointed at him angrily as she stepped forward to wave it in his face. "I am not going to stand here and keep taking these insults! I knew I should've kept that window closed. I don't want to see you anywhere but the courtroom if this is how you're going to be. God help me, but I don't even know who you are anymore. You're not the man I married. I know that!"

She'd backed him against the wall in her angry tirade and now only a couple inches stood between them. Kid couldn't ever seem to think with her this near. His arms went around her waist before his brains could catch up with his hands and their mouths found their way to each other. It was a bruising, desperate kiss, filled with their frustration from the past few days.

They didn't hear the door open, but they heard Señora Martinez exclaimed, "What is going on here?"

They broke apart, both looking very guilty for different reasons.

"I'm sorry," Kid apologized to Señora Martinez. "I just had to talk with my wife, but I won't make that mistake again."

"Oh, you can be sure of that," Ruth said more to Kid than Señora Martinez as her temper flared again.

"Well, take care no one sees you when you leave," said Señora Martinez. "I should report you, Señor Cole, for breaking the rule."

"Well, thank you for not doing that and don't worry, I will be, but would you mind if I used the door to leave?"

Señora Martinez directed a raised palm toward the door.

Kid gone, Señora Martinez asked, "Was he trying to talk you into dropping the annulment?"

"No." Ruth tried to put some bite into it, but the no came out rather pitiful.

"You still love him." It wasn't a question but a statement.

"If I could stop, I would because he clearly already has."

"Well, from where I was standing it seems like he likes you pretty good."

"That didn't mean anything."

"Maybe not if he carouses the way he does, but still why come to you if there are the girls at the saloon? Something is not right about this whole thing. I suppose he's not the first man to want his wife and other girls both though."

"Whatever the reason he's turned his affections elsewhere, the result is the same. You know it's like a part of me is being torn away and I'm not sure I can stand it, but I've got no choice but to go on with it. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes. Sometimes one must lose an arm or leg to carry on in this life," her voice was both a mix of reproach and understanding. "Yet, certainly one must do all they can to save that limb from being taken if they can for honor's sake if nothing else, but see that you keep the window closed in the future, yes? Or you may get us both in serious trouble."

"You can depend on it," she promised.

sss

Ruth met with her lawyer the next morning and he told her what he was going to ask her on the stand. By the time he left, she was prepared for the carefully worded testimony she had to give because he had told her that there was no doubt that Kid's lawyer was going to call her to the stand today.

Kid testified first. Lying came so naturally to him that if she didn't know better, she would have believed it herself. He acted as if he was incensed over the annulment while his lawyer questioned him about the women, his faith, and the words he'd said to her. The suspect way that he evaded answering his lawyer left no doubt that they'd rehearsed this beforehand. Her lawyer questioned him next. Kid pretended as if he accidentally let a few things slip, confirming all three charges.

That should have been enough to end this case, but of course, it wasn't. She was called up to testify.

She swore to tell the truth to the Lord. Her palms got sweaty.

"You must cross yourself when you say it," Señor Martinez told her.

"Oh, right." She'd figured that out watching all the other testimonies, but she was so nervous, she'd forgotten. She swore one more time, this time crossing herself, which somehow made it worse.

"Have you ever actually seen your husband cheating on you?" was Kid's lawyer's first question.

"Well, no, but I don't need to see the clouds to know where a rainstorm comes from. I think the evidence speaks for itself."

Her lawyer looked pleased with the answer.

The other questions were just as weak. Hadn't he attended church with her? Yes. Didn't that prove one's faith? No. Had he ever said anything unkind to her? Yes. Wasn't Kid known for being rough around the edges? Yes. Hadn't she suspected he would be this way from the start of their marriage? No.

It was a flimsy defense, but the extra lawyers didn't call anything into question. Maybe they didn't care because they weren't Catholic and they were only passing through.

"Now I wish to question the plaintiff if I may?" her lawyer asked. The judge gave him permission. "Can you explain to the court what it is you do?"

"I hold revivals where we sing spirituals, see lives rededicated to God or dedicated for the first time, and people heal are healed physically through the Lord Jesus Christ."

"And what would happen if it was known that your husband carried on affair? Do you think there would be a decline in attendance?"

"I believe it would." No doubt about it. There was no lie in that statement.

He used what she had told him at their first meeting and vilified Kid with it, using the lack of his praying to call his faith into doubt and painting a picture of her as a good Christian woman suffering emotionally from an abusive tongue, during which she did get teary thanks to her unbalanced hormones. She had to end it with another swearing and her age, 28.

She was so relieved when it was over. Her hands were shaking when she signed her name to the written testimony and they were shaking as they went back to the pew. She was a liar. She'd tried to stick to the truth as much as she could, but that didn't change that she was lying by omission. And not just here in court but to Kid. She was frustrated with him because she could sense he wasn't being totally forthcoming and yet wasn't she doing the same thing to him?

The case was ended for the day again to give the lawyers time to review the ever thickening case file. She had a feeling the judge was getting closer to ruling on the matter. Things did appear to be moving as fast as Kid and the lawyers hoped.

She had to find a way to see him again. She had to tell Kid about the baby whatever his reaction, even if it didn't change a solitary thing if for no other reason than it was the right thing to do.


	22. Chapter 22

Ruth had to talk to Kid before she changed her mind and before the annulment became complete and she never saw him again, which looked like could be any day now. She went to bed straight after supper and waited until she could hear Señor and Señora Martinez go to bed in the room next to hers. Then she waited some more to make sure they had fallen asleep.

Going out the window wasn't an option; she didn't want to take a chance of getting stuck like Kid had. She had to go the old-fashioned way through the door. She cringed when the door to her room squeaked, but it didn't seem as if it had disturbed the Martinezes. She opened the door quickly the rest of the way to avoid the squeakiness.

She hadn't noticed the way her heels clacked on the floor either. She carefully undid her laces and pulled off her shoes. Shoes in hand she tiptoed past the Martinez door.

"Is something wrong, Sister Ruth?" Señora Martinez called from her bedroom.

Ruth's shoulders went up in a tense jerk. She just wasn't good at this sneaking stuff. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd get something to drink," Ruth answered.

"I'll join you," she said.

Ruth put her shoes back on just before Señora Martinez came out.

"Still dressed?" Señora Martinez asked. "I thought you went to bed hours ago."

"I wanted to, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to, so I didn't."

"Well, come on. I'm in the mood for something warm to drink. Are you?"

"Sounds fine," she answered, trying not to let her disappointment show.

Ruth waited for her in one of the comfy chairs by the fire while Señora Martinez went down to the kitchen. The older woman came back with two steaming cups and handed her one of them.

It was a little bitter for her taste, but made with milk and cinnamon, so not unbearably bitter. "Thank you."

"Perfect time of the year for hot chocolate," she said, taking the other chair.

She looked as if she were going to stay there until Ruth went back to bed. "Can't disagree with that."

"You were looking to meet with your husband, weren't you?" Señora Martinez asked, not one to beat around the bush.

"Yes. What's the worst that could happen? I'm already pregnant."

"Amusing, you are. Someone could see you. Why can you not talk with him at the church before the trial starts?"

"Because I want to tell him about the baby and the judge could hear us and then that would ruin the case."

"And if the baby makes your husband want to give up his ways?"

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"But if it does, you would drop the annulment charges?"

"If that's what he wanted, but it's not."

"It was his idea, not yours," Señora Martinez realized.

"Yeah. Whether we stay married or not is completely up to him, but this isn't about me trying to manipulate him into staying. I just think it's the right thing to do. A man should know if he's fathered a baby."

"Well, I am sorry. Your story is more sad than I thought. Perhaps a note? Señor Martinez could take it to him in the morning."

"No, thank you. I don't think it's the kind of thing a person should reveal in a note."

"Maybe you're right. I suppose you'll just have to take a chance at the trial."

They finished their hot chocolate in silence. Ruth waited until Señora Martinez's head drooped on her chest and the sound of faint snoring filled the air, her empty cup still in a firm grasp. Ruth set her own cup on the floor and carefully eased out of the chair after once again taking her shoes off.

She had a distinct adolescent feeling sneaking out this way, not that she'd ever snuck out of the house as a teenager. It was ridiculous that a grown woman expecting a child wasn't free to come and go. Her feet weren't as tough as they'd been when she was a child and went barefoot outside, so she didn't get far from the house before she had to put her shoes back on.

As she got closer to the little house, the hot chocolate churned disagreeably in her stomach. She looked at the temporary bookmark she'd made in her Bible. "These are the things that ye shall do; Speak ye every man the truth to his neighbour." She'd written the verse down on the strip of paper to help keep herself from losing her resolve.

She wasted no time in knocking on the door though the front faced the mountains where no one was likely to spot her. It wasn't Kid who came to the door but Nitis.

"Nitis, hello. Kid's not here?"

He shook his head.

"Wonderful. It wasn't easy getting out, you know. Any idea when he's coming back?"

Again he shook his head.

"Well, as long as I'm on the run I might as well visit with you."

"It's after midnight, I'm sure," she said, looking at the starry sky. "That means tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the day after that is Christmas and it'll be the first year I won't have anybody to celebrate it with."

"Christmas?"

"When Jesus Christ was born, God with Us. God the Son came to the earth as a baby to pay the price of our sins, the wrong things we've done."

Nitis looked interested. "White miners celebrate. Not say why."

"I reckon some people do tend to lose the true meaning and focus only on the frills, which is tragic. How's Kid been?"

"Not happy."

"Really?" she asked, looking hopeful. Was it possible he was missing her? "Has he said why?"

"You husband is not much for talking."

"No, he ain't." Before she had a chance to ask anything else about Kid, the man himself came through the door.

"What's going on here?" Kid asked, fire in his eyes. "You want somebody to see you with Nitis and jump to the wrong conclusion? Then all our work will have been for nothing."

"I had something important to tell you. It couldn't wait any longer."

He grabbed her by the elbow and led to the door. "Anything you have to say can be said through our lawyers."

Ruth's lips came together in a tight line of anger.

He led her all the way back to the Martinzes and left without so much as a goodbye.

Señora Martinez was still asleep. Ruth could at least be grateful for small favors. She took their cups to the kitchen and then woke the woman up and told her she was going to bed. Señora Martinez agreed that it was a sensible place to be.

Behind the closed door of her temporary bedroom, she spoke to God. "I tried, Lord. You have to admit I tried." Except she could have tried harder and she knew it. He'd just made her so darn mad. "Give me the patience to try again."

sss

Kid was still fuming when he got back to the house. It didn't help when he saw Nitis looking at him. "Why you looking at me like that? I'm doing the right thing."

Nothing.

"You don't understand, but I know if you were in my shoes or moccasins, you would be doing the same thing I'm doing. There's more to the story than you know."

He didn't say a word only continued to stare at him reproachfully, which irritated Kid further. You could argue with a man who used words, but how could you argue with a disapproving look. "Aw, I'm going to bed."

sss

"I would like to warn you both that perjury, especially for the dissolution of valid marriage, the separation of two legitimate spouses is a serious crime," the judge warned that afternoon. "It will make any future marriages invalid." There was a heavy pause then he said, "I would like for the plaintiff and the defendant to see me privately with Señor Martinez, of course."

They were taken back to the priest's living quarters, a sparse but function space.

"You have heard me threaten. Now I would like to talk to you as a priest. I want to know if there isn't more than meets the eye to this. Is it a money problem? Does one of you use money without telling the other?"

They both answered with a no.

"Do you tell each other when you are angry?" the judge asked. "You cannot expect the other to read your mind. There is so much hidden anger that comes from not talking about things and it is soon mistaken for hatred. Does this happen to you?"

"Letting me know what's on her mind has never been a problem for her," Kid said right away. "Trust me."

"Do you see how he talks to me?" Ruth asked. "For no reason at all. Don't think you know everything about me, Mr. Cole, cause you don't."

It wasn't enough that they'd had to suffer through the weak attempts at reconciliation from the notary, but now the judge had to give it a go. She supposed it was all standard procedure, but it was so agonizing because she really wanted to reconcile. He went into a big long speech about the sanctity and purpose of marriage. She listened as Señor Martinez translated, but he wasn't going to convince her because he wasn't going to convince Kid.

"Will you try to resolve your differences and live within the bonds of marriage?" the judge asked when he was done.

"How can I when it wasn't a valid marriage from the start? I just want a new start," Ruth said. "I want to get on with my ministry."

"Everything she's said has been true. I can't justify trying either," Kid added.

In the courtroom again, the lawyers gave their speeches and though she only half listened, she knew her lawyer had given the better closing speech. The priest would be a fool not to rule in her favor but then divorces were rarely given much less annulments.

"I will rule on the matter after Christmas," the judge declared.

In 3 days, the judge would decide whether she was Ruth Cole or Ruth McKenzie and either way Kid walked out of her life.


	23. Chapter 23

Kid leaned against the wall, eyes opened, and though it didn't appear to be a prayerful position, he was praying all the same on the inside. "God, I have no right to ask you for a miracle, but I've seen you grant them often enough traveling with Ruth. I don't want to live without her and I don't want to die without her either. I would rather be shot down than waste away to a pile of dried up bones. I guess there ain't no better time to ask for a miracle than Christmas Eve. Please, give me a sign that the consumption won't come back. I need a sign."

"You far away. Talk to great Father?" Nitis asked.

"Well, I was until you interrupted me," Kid said dryly.

Nitis didn't look sorry he'd interrupted. "Good. Need much help."

"Do I? Why would you say that?"

"Trouble in spirit."

He snorted. "That's about the size of it."

"You feel better if share what feel with Ruth."

"No, I wouldn't. I'm dying." It felt good to admit it to another living soul even if it may have been risky. "She can't fix that. A doctor can't fix it. Only God can and I have a feeling He's not going to. It wouldn't be right to subject her to what I'm going to go through. I'm going to become as helpless as a little baby before the disease is done with me. It ain't fair to ask her to stick with me through that."

Nitis didn't look surprised, which Kid thought odd, but maybe he was just good at hiding emotion. "I think you afraid."

"I am. I'm afraid for Ruth. She's a good woman and she didn't deserve this, but the annulment is going to be what's easiest on her."

"No, I think you afraid for you. So you leave. Not have to deal with hard things."

"You're crazy."

"I know love of woman. You not trust that love. Not trust Ruth. Not trust God."

"What do you know about God or any of it? Do me a favor, will you, and mind your own business." He left on that note. He didn't know where his feet was going to take him, but as long as it took him away from the crazy Indian, he didn't care.

sss

Ruth passed the day learning how to make ramilletes, paper flowers, from Señora Martinez. She enjoyed it because it took her mind off of Kid for awhile. Then she went down to the church with her chaperone to place the finished flowers in the church. The altar in the church was covered with other handmade flowers, all made by all the women in town. It felt less like a courtroom with the decorations and more like the house of God that it was, a fact Ruth was grateful for.

3 musicians played outside the church beside a lovely nativity that was surrounded by bright red poinsettias. Just two mandolins and a guitar, so nothing too fancy, but they made the sweetest Christmas music. Ruth could have stood and listened to them all day, but it was too chilly.

Supper was a spicy stew.

"It's a traditional Christmas meal," Señora Martinez explained, "but if you need something a little easier on your stomach."

"Nah, I'll give it a go. I ain't been sick any today, so my chances are good."

Ruth ate the stew though she didn't care for the level of spiciness. She knew Kid would love the dish if he were here. Señor Martinez, who showed up to the meal about halfway through, certainly shoveled it in.

She ate about half and finished up with bread. She didn't want to push it.

"You eat like a bird," Señor Martinez remarked.

"I make up for it at lunch. I don't think I'm likely to lose any weight anytime soon," Ruth said, patting her stomach.

Señora Martinez hid her smile behind a linen napkin.

A celebration called Las Posadas could be heard not long after the meal was over and she went out with the Matinezes to see it. She'd heard them singing the previous nights since coming to the Martinezes, but had avoided the festivities thus far, too upset to join in. Instead she had gone to her room to pray and study the Word, so this was the first night she'd come outside to see it for herself.

Ruth was dressed warmly with multiple layers. She even had her woolen shawl around her. She still bounced a little in the frosty air to keep warm.

She saw a candle in a paper lampshade leading the procession first. Then "María", played by an older girl, rode on a donkey with Joseph walking beside and guiding the burro. There were also plenty of angel and shepherds following and just general revelers.

Mary and Joseph spoke and though they spoke in Spanish, she could tell they were "asking" for a place to stay.

The Martinezes acting as innkeepers let them in for refreshments and prayer time. Afterwards, they joined the procession that ended at the church about an hour later.

There was more caroling as the crowd warmed themselves by the big bonfire outside the church until they would be let in for midnight Mass.

The Martinezes socialized with the other adults. Ruth knew they would have translated for her if she had wanted to join in the conversations, but she didn't feel up to it because she knew the whole town was aware of the case by now and there would be either pitying looks or looks of censure; it was bad enough seeing the looks from a distance without seeing them close too. And besides that, she was just feeling low and pessimistic and there was no need to be sharing that with others on what was supposed to be a joyous holiday to her way of thinking. It was also kind of nice standing off by herself because it felt like a breath of fresh air and freedom after basically being under house arrest.

Even though it was cold, she took off her glove to see the ring it hid underneath. She supposed she should take it off, she thought, as the firelight dancing on the metal, reminding her of the first Christmas she'd celebrated with Kid, but it was also her grandmother's ring, so she didn't. She put the glove back on and studied the crowd.

It was one of the most beautiful Christmas celebrations she'd ever witnessed even if it was one of the saddest for her personally.

She didn't expect to spot Kid there, but he was practically on top of her before he noticed her.

"I was just taking a walk. I didn't come to see you," he made clear to her right away. He didn't want her getting mixed signals, although after that kiss it was probably too late for that.

"I didn't think you had, but now that you're here I need to talk to you."

"I told you-"

"I know what you told me, but this ain't about us and it's not something you say between lawyers."

A child ran right in between them before Kid could respond.

"Lo siento," the boy called with a backwards glance, his feet still running. Another one followed the same path in pursuit of the first kid, jostling them again, and this boy didn't even bother to shout back an apology. Ruth smiled over it. Kid glowered.

"Those kids should be in bed," Kid complained. "They're just making nuisances of themselves."

"Oh, they're just having fun. What child wouldn't be wound up on Christmas?"

"I don't know about that, but I know it makes me doubly glad we never had any of our own."

"I wish you wouldn't say that."

"Why? Because you actually want one of those sticky, disobedient dwarves?"

"Because you're going to be a father."


	24. Chapter 24

Kid wanted to laugh. Him a father? But her serious expression said it was no joke, but maybe he'd misunderstood. He hoped and prayed that he had. "What?"

"You heard right. You're going to be the father of one of those sticky dwarves."

He hadn't meant what he'd said; it was the result of being bad-tempered over Nitis' words and just the situation he was in. He loved children and he loved the thought that their love had made a child. That's why this revelation hurt so much.

"I-I don't know what to say." Had this news come before the diagnosis he would've been the happiest man in the world. Now he didn't know what to feel except more loss. And he definitely didn't know what to do.

She smiled wryly. "Well, let me set your mind at ease, I don't expect you to be around to raise the baby. We'll get by alright, but do me a favor and if he ever shows up on your doorstep, be kind to him. Maybe you can even explain to him why we got a divorce cause I certainly won't be able to."

"Why would he try to find me?" he asked with a hint of panic.

"Children generally like to know where they come from. I could make something up and have you die some kind of heroic death. It'd be easier probably on him and me, but it wouldn't be right."

The words stung more than she knew. He couldn't tell her that if she said he was dead, it likely wouldn't be a lie. "Well, you got to do what you think is best, I reckon." He could tell the tip of her nose was red even in the poor lighting. "Is it good for you to be standing out in the cold like this?"

That last comment made her even madder. "Don't go acting like you care for either one of us. You know what your problem is?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You only care about yourself."

"You may be right. I'll see you after Christmas." He hurried away without looking back.

Away from the festivities he cried aloud, "Why, God? Why? Is it not enough that you took my health? Is it not enough that I can't stay with the only woman I've ever loved?"

He wanted to hit something, he wanted to scream, he wanted to tear something apart. In the end, he settled for grabbing a hold of a post on one of the buildings and letting the tears fall.

He was going to be a father and he wouldn't be around to see his son or daughter grow up. He wouldn't even get to see him be born. Life just wasn't fair but then nobody, least of all God, had ever said it would be.

sss

Well, at least it was done, she told herself. The secret was out and what had she expected? That he would declare his undying love for her? That he would want to be a part of the baby's life when he had made it clear to her that he wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

She tried to get her mind back on the singing, but that was hard to do when you didn't understand the words.

The party lasted until dawn, according to the Martinezes. She was weary already and the meeting with Kid had made her wearier, but she stayed for Mass.

"I'm tired," she told the Martinezes afterward. "I hope you don't mind if I want to call it a night."

They, as her guardians/jailers, had no choice but to return with her, which she felt bad about, but they looked a little tired too.

There was only a sliver of moonlight to see by. Señor Martinez used a flower handled skeleton key to unlock the front door.

After telling them good night, she immediately retired.

Ruth gasped when she saw a long shadow on the floor of her room and then breathed with relief when she realized she recognized the person the shadow belonged to.

"How in heaven's name did you get in here? Kid got stuck in the window and he's thinner than you are. And the doors were locked."

"I have ways," Nitis answered cryptically.

"Why are you in here?" She didn't know why she didn't feel fearful, but for some reason she trusted Nitis. There was something about him that inspired confidence.

"I come tell you not give up."

"Not give up? I've been praying nonstop. I've tried everything I know how to do, but if he won't even talk to me what am I supposed to do?"

"Wait."

"On what?"

"Wait," he repeated. "Good will come. Always do."

He was a strange messenger and the words simple, but she did oddly enough draw a small measure of comfort from them. "Are you saying you know why Kid's leaving me?"

"Not for me to say. I need go."

He left by the bedroom door.

She happened to think she hadn't heard Señor and Señora Martinez walk by yet. Nitis was sure to get caught and that would be a problem because she didn't think Señora Martinez would understand why there was an Indian in the house. She rushed to the hallway to whisper a warning, but she didn't see Nitis. He was good. He'd left just a second or two ago and already he'd vanished.

She shut the door back. It was officially Christmas and some Christmas it was turning out to be, she thought as she peeled some of her extra layers off.

She looked down. Was it too soon to sing a lullaby? Probably, but she felt like doing it anyway and the hymn she had in mind would remind her of what she did have to be joyful about. The lullaby was a song her mother had often sung to them when they were little and it was an appropriate one for Christmas. She sang very softly so as not to disturb the Martinezes, her voice only cracking with emotion a couple of times.

"Hush, my dear, lie still and slumber,  
>Holy angels guard thy bed,<br>Heavenly blessings without number,  
>Gently falling on thy head.<p>

How much better thou'rt attended,  
>Than the Son of God could be,<br>When from heaven He descended,  
>And became a child like thee!<p>

Soft and easy is thy cradle,  
>Coarse and hard thy Savior lay:<br>When His birthplace was a stable,  
>And His softest bed was hay.<p>

May'st thou learn to know and fear Him,  
>Love and serve Him all thy days;<br>Then to dwell forever near Him,  
>Tell His love and sing His praise."<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

Nitis didn't look up when he came back to the small adobe house. He was roasting a piece of meat over the fire from some animal he must have captured under the cover of night. "You know of baby," Nitis said right away gauging the truth.

Kid was stunned. "You knew? You knew she was going to have a baby?"

"Yes. She tell me when she think I not understand."

"Well, that's just great. It would have been nice if you'd have told me or if she would she have told me sooner."

"Why make difference? You stay with Ruth for baby?"

"No."

"Then why tell?"

He had a point and he knew it. "It's the principle of the thing."

"You leave either way. You coward. Never be warrior if Apache. You run because scared. Apache never run."

"I have to run or she'll leave me!" He didn't even realize he had felt that way until the words were out of his mouth. He was absolutely terrified of her leaving him. So much so, he was going to leave her before she had a chance to leave him.

He could picture what would happen if he told her the truth in vivid detail. She would try to heal him through faith. When it didn't work, she would think he had no faith and the pity would become contempt. He would only hinder her work because folks wouldn't take much stock in a faith healer with a sick husband. And she would end up leaving him for them because God came first in all her decisions.

"How you know?" Nitis asked. "How you know if you not tell?"

"I know." He wanted to run away from Nitis' words again, but that would only prove his accusation that he was a coward, so he did the next best thing. "I'm going to bed."

sss

Christmas came and went too fast. Ruth read the Christmas story for the Martinezes. Ruth made them her special sugar cookies as a Christmas gift. The Martinezes gave her an attractive plaid fabric, a black background with red and white lines. It was enough to make a dress from it if she wanted, but she planned on making the baby's gowns from it.

The day of the trial came even faster, the last day. Ruth pushed her runny eggs around in her plate over breakfast. She wasn't sick. She just had no appetite.

"Starving yourself isn't going to change anything," Señora Martinez pointed out rationally.

"I know. Maybe I can eat when this mess is over."

The frown she received in response that reminded her she was eating for two forced the bites of egg to her mouth where they settled uneasily in her stomach.

On the walk to the church, she forced herself to take a deep breath. Nitis had been right. She had to wait on God. She had to let go and let Him handle things. She might never know why Kid wanted this annulment, but she could still have peace by letting go and letting God. "Please, take care of him, Lord."

Kid was already there when she came in. He studied her carefully. He looked at her waist first. He just couldn't get over it. She was carrying his child in there, their child.

His eyes went up. She was so calm. How could she be calm at a time like this? Maybe this was what she wanted after all and if she had gotten used to the idea, he supposed he should be grateful. This was the simplest way to handle everything after all.

"You realize that the civil judge will make you pay for your wife's support, Señor Cole, even if the marriage is dissolved?" Señor Martinez asked, translating for the judge.

"Oh, uh, yes. I'm already taking care of that."

"Then the Holy Roman Catholic Church and the state of Sonora, Mexico finds-"

He expected to feel a small sense of relief with the coming judgment, but he didn't. It felt like death already. Worse, in fact, because he was causing this death. With the judge's next breath, his marriage would be dissolved. He couldn't let it end this way with Ruth.

"Stop! I have to talk to Sister Ruth first for a minute alone."

"Is that agreeable to you?" the judge asked her. There was no doubt the priest would rule in Ruth's favor, asking her a question like that, instead of ordering her to go with him.

She gave a slow nod.

He met her in the aisle and he took her elbow. She didn't pull away with the onlookers, but he could tell she wanted to.

She spun toward him the moment they were outside the church. There was anger and confusion on her part. "Are you trying to torture me? To prolong my pain? If you want an annulment, let's get at it."

They had a tendency to get in each other's faces when arguing and to a casual observer their closeness indicated they were either about to kiss or kill each other, but no one could mistake which one of those this was with the angry look Ruth was giving him and the hands on her hips. And they definitely had plenty of observers. Despite the fact it was a case closed to the public, the town had gotten wind that a decision would be made today and they waited to see what that decision would be, which annoyed Kid. He'd drag her to a more private place if he could. "No," he said.

"No you don't want one or no you're not trying to hurt me?"

"No, I'm not trying to hurt you and no I don't really want an annulment, but I'm prepared to get one."

She gave a snort of disbelief. "I don't understand. What do you mean you're prepared to get one?"

He could feel the bothersome stares from the crowd even though he wasn't looking at the nosy busybodies. He could at least pull her around to the side of the building and he did. "Remember when you made me go see that doctor?"

She gasped. "It was something to worry about, wasn't it? I knew you weren't acting right."

His eyes dropped to the ground. "I've got consumption."


	26. Chapter 26

"Oh, Lord," she said in a prayerful cry. Saying he had consumption was practically the same thing as saying he was dying and she knew it. When she was a small child, an aunt and uncle and 3 cousins had succumbed to it and the whole family had barely lasted a year before they were all in the arms of Jesus. Their house still stood in the valley. No one had wanted to live in it after that as if living in it would bring the same curse down on their heads. Superstition but who could blame a person for thinking that way.

He still looked downward. "I'd understand if you wanted to go through with the annulment." He was afraid. Afraid of her reaction and his eyes glistened as he tried to hold back the tears.

"What kind of woman do you think I am? Would you abandon me if I was the one sick?"

He looked up. "Of course not."

"Because you love me and made a vow to the Lord. The same vow I made 'in sickness or in health till death do us part.' I could die in childbirth, you know."

"Don't say that."

"I wouldn't be the first woman. We're all appointed a certain number of days. Ain't nothing that can be done about that but see that that those days are well spent living for God. I love you, you fool. Wild horses couldn't drag me from your side." As if to prove it, she threw her arms around him and latched on like she expected those wild horses any moment.

"It's not going to be an easy road," he warned even as he returned her embrace. "You might be happier if you went your own way. I don't want you to end up hating me because I'm holding you back from the work God's given you."

"This is where He's put me. Right here and it's where I want to be." She felt tears running down her cheeks. She pulled back enough so she could look him in the eyes. "And I'll have you know, Mr. Cole, that you can't see the future. All them stupid remedies might not have cured you, but God still can. You might live to be a 100."

"Then you better live to be a 103."

She laid her head back against his chest. "I'll have to. To look after you."

"I tell you a chaperone's work is never done," Señora Martinez, startling them. "I turn my back for a minute and you all are in each other's arms. This better mean you two are getting back together or I'm not going to be a very happy lady."

They both smiled at her. "That's what it means," Ruth answered. "Turns out this was all just a big misunderstanding."

"Huh, well, that's good then, but I can't wait to see you explain that misunderstanding to the judge." Despite her words, she returned their smile.

They'd almost forgotten about the waiting courtroom. As they followed Señora Martinez back to the church. She gave him a playful push that set him a little off balance.

"What was that for?" he asked with a chuckle.

"For the most miserable week of my life," she answered. There was a twinkle in her eyes as she said it because she was still too overjoyed to be too angry with him.

"I truly am sorry, darling," he said seriously. "I didn't mean any of them things I said. Well, hardly any of them, but I like noisy, bossy women."

She laughed. "I'm just glad it's behind us."

They set the waiting crowd abuzz with talk when they came around the corner because it didn't escape their notice that he and she were holding hands now.

When Sister Ruth told the judge she wanted the charges dropped, he didn't look too willing and the priest asked if she'd been threatened. She said she hadn't been and when she told him they had a baby on the way, he let her drop them without further argument.

Señor Martinez shook their hands, looking as pleased as his wife that they hadn't split up. He congratulated them on the coming baby.

A good chunk of Ruth's "divorce" money went towards court costs. After settling up, they were free to leave the church and did.

"Ya'll can go home now. The show's over. We're still married," Kid said snarkily to the crowd who waited more eagerly than ever.

Ruth fought to suppress a smile as the bewildered, non-English speaking crowd dispersed. "You know you really waited until the 11th hour to tell me what was actually wrong. What changed your mind?"

"You can thank Nitis. He was the one who talked sense to me."

"I will. Let's go tell him the good news."

Inside the one room house, they found a small wooden cross laying on the bench by the fire, but there was no sign of Nitis anywhere.

"Did you make this?" Ruth asked, picking it up.

"No. Nitis must have," he said, taking it from her for a closer look.

They looked for their Indian friend outside, but didn't find him there either. It was like he'd vanished from the face of the earth and he didn't return in the few more days they stayed in Tuscon.

"Do you think he was an angel? It would make sense in a way. Finding him out in the middle of nowhere, his knowing English, this cross, his sudden disappearance." Kid asked Ruth as they got ready to pull out.

"He was an answer to a prayer. I know that. Maybe he was just a man God used to help, but then isn't that what an angel mostly is, a servant of God?"

Only God knew when they have to say goodbye to each other on this side, but Kid thanked Him for each and every second he was given with Ruth. He put a hand over her stomach. And for the time he would have with their baby too, however long or short that turned out to be.

_Present Day_

"Can't a man have some privacy?" Kid groused.

"Not when he's got 4 women along and only 2 small rooms available. Them girls are cramped enough in there without adding a fourth, but I won't bite you. At least not unless you provoke me," she said, setting her Bible and small bag down on the nightstand.

Since they'd hit the mountains his cough had all but gone away, so he wasn't too worried about sharing a room with her for one night, but he'd been through this before. It was too good to last. It would only take one cough for her to figure out what this was all about.

"Rose still ain't feeling too well. She about fainted again coming up the stairs. We have to stop in Colorado Springs."

"We have to get to California is what we have to do. We ain't got time to be lollygagging."

"I ain't going another mile until you agree to stop and let her get looked at. Me and the girls'll handcuff ourselves to something if we have to. She can't show up to meet her future husband half dead."

"I'm on to you, lady. You just want to stop, so you can turn Dr. Mike against me. I know how women are."

"You don't know nothing. Why do you think everything's always about you? It ain't. It's about Rose."

"Fine, we'll go see Dr. Mike then, but you and the girls better be ready to go in the morning at 6:00 a.m. sharp. Take breakfast with you if you have to."

"My goodness," she said, unbuttoning her blouse. "You act like all you-know-what is going to break loose if we don't get there at a certain time. Them men have waited long enough for their brides; they can wait a little longer."

She'd gotten down to her underclothes and Kid was having a hard time looking her in the eye. Fortunately, she was too steamed to notice as she reached into her bag for her nightgown.

Gown on, she took down her hair. "Did I get all the pins out?" she asked, turning her back to him.

He was secretly glad for this opportunity. He took his time as he combed his fingers through her thick, wavy hair. Oh, how he wanted to saddle up behind her and just hold her. He had to make her mad again fast before he broke. "I see a few gray hairs."

"Well, no wonder," she said, turning back around. "I'm surprised you ain't made my whole head go gray."

"Well, you ain't exactly a spring chicken. I think that has more to do with it than me."

"Oh, Lord, do something," she muttered with a raised hand as she climbed into bed. "Send an angel if you have to. I've done all I can do with this man."

He had a feeling the words were as much for him as they were for the Lord or she wouldn't have prayed out loud. He was pushing her to the limit, but he echoed her prayer.

Kid had been out of hope since the doctor had told him that it was only a matter of time. He didn't expect a miracle or an angel to stop them from getting a divorce, but he wanted one.

He took care not to brush against her as he got into bed beside her. He'd enflamed his passions enough from touching her hair. Not that she was in a receiving mood.

"For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways," Ruth was quoting, her way of calming down was to recite scripture.

Would the Lord direct him the way he needed to go? Oh, he hoped so. How he hoped so. He saw a star shoot across the black night sky as if to say He intended to. Somehow Kid had a feeling Colorado Springs was just where he needed to be.

The End


End file.
